my thoughts

Friday morning 9:09

So, I just can't get over the fact that I love Halloween but I'm scared of horror. Like, I love the festivity and all that. Getting dressed up, the makeup and all that shit. But I'm terrified of the smallest paranormal thing. I can't even watch suspense movies without hyperventilating, now imagine horror.

So, moving on, I'm a fan of Greek mythology, of all mythologies actually but that one is my favourite; so I thought it would be fun to wear a Greek goddess costume. Problem was I didn't know which one.

I thought about it and immediately discarded Aphrodite because...... Well, I just feel like it's been too used already. Hera? Not a chance (those who know, know why). Artemis...... I mean, girl is cool but I don't know where the hell I'll get the bow and arrows so it's a no. Hestia?......I don't vibe with her. Last option was Athena but the problem is the same that with Artemis, where the hell am I gonna get the armor and spear and shield.

I know there are many more goddesses but they're not as popular and I kind of wanted it to be obvious who I was going as.... So I continued thinking about it a little bit longer and thought "what if I dress up as Penelope?" And I know she's not as popular as a goddess because.... Well she's the wife of a hero and stuff. And I thought "I love that character, I wouldn't mind not being recognized because Penelope is just so cool I don't even care about no one knowing what my character (?) is".

I had it all, the dress, the golden wreath, the jewellery, everything..... Except, of course, I needed an Odysseus.

And of course I asked my boyfriend. Spoiler, he said no. I felt sad, like truly sad. It might seem stupid or even meaningless, but I really love mythology and not long ago I started listening to that one odyssey musical by Jorge Rivera Herranz (I think that's his name) and my boyfriend knows it, and he knows how excited I was for this Halloween because I've been planning this costume since July. Yet, he straight up said no.

I thought it was because he was busy and couldn't go out with me that day because of his job or something. Then he confessed that he had that day free. I asked him why he couldn't dress up with me and he said "it's not that I can't, it's just that I don't want to. It's stupid"

I'm not dramatic, I swear I'm not, but I almost wanted to punch him. Like, why you gotta call my personal interest stupid? It's what I like and you just- (insert crazy screaming)

So I got mad and I am a crybaby so I started crying (thank goodness I asked him by text)
After crying a little bit, I told my bff, (Let's call her k), and she said something about not liking my boyfriend from the beginning. O didn't pay much mind to it since she always said that but then she said something that got me thinking. She said, and I quote, "you learned to play league of legends because he liked it and you don't even like videogames but you still did it because it made him happy to have an activity to share, but he won't dress up with you for one damn night because it's stupid"

Not gonna lie, that offended me and I got real mad but not at her. I got mad at myself because, she was right. I don't like videogames and I suck at that but the moment he said he wished I could play league of legends with him, I didn't think twice before downloading the damn thing on my phone. I stayed up late watching tutorials to get better and play with him.

So after crying for another whole hour, I deleted the app and went to sleep. I'm no longer going as Penelope to the party (sadly), now I'm going as Circe. A nymph in some myths, a goddess in others. A single, hot, kickass bad bitch, witch. My boyfriend did apologize, but I don't want to go as a couple anymore to the party (he did break my heart so *shrugs*).