The Third Man (Friday Barnes)

Dirt

Chapter 4

Told by Ian

"What happened" Martin cried up at the porter.

"A car... it uh ran him over" the porter replied "In front of de house. killed almost instantly. I see it myself." He face softened and pointed up to the sky "already in hell" then his face went all sheepish and he pointed down "or in... heaven." (Ian's note: Someone needs to tell him he got hell and heaven back the front or else he's going to be in big trouble Vienna's local priest)

"Where can I find him" Martin asked.

"Just past town in the funeral" He meant cemetery.

The one time I finally get a chance to have a vacation (Melanie's note: hold up... may we all remember he spent 2 years in Italy.) the first thing I do is attend a funeral for a guy I only just heard about with I guy I only just met.

I used to think Friday was chaos magnet of the group, but now standing watching this unknown coffin going into the ground I realised maybe I'm the problem.

We had only just arrived at the cemetery and unfortunately, we missed the service. But to Marty's luck we still got to watch a hard wooden box; containing his best friends decaying remains lowered into the ground by two burley part time construction men.

(Ian's note: I know this is bad and probably down write disrespectful but whole time I was watching; I was hoping one of them would drop the coffin. You know just to add some panache)

Soon everyone was standing round the hole staring into it as if it were a wishing well. Unlike everybody else I am not easily entertained by dirt so I turned me attention to the people around me and do a Friday by picking them apart by their appearance. There was a tall woman wearing a black coat and hat, and she had her face pointing down to the ground so I couldn't make out her features. All you could really see was her vibrant auburn hair.

Next to her was a short man wearing a fur coat and holding some sort of deformed bunny rabbit that desperately needed a bath. He's face had strange similarities to a rat (Ian's note: The short guy not the deformed bunny although now that I think of it...).

Next to him a scrapy old man.

Of to the side was some respectable looking gentleman with a curly moustache, wearing a white button-down shirt and suspender's. Standing next to him a police officer who's judging by his facile expression seemed way to happy to be at a funeral.

That was it, only 7 people showed up to his funeral. That must be sad, I've always imagined a funereal to be attended by the love of your life, her annoying best friend who is also like a sister. Her clueless older brother, his wife who is also the princess of Norway and the queen of table soccer. Your Mother, her husband who is also the love of your life's uncle, and their child who is also your step sister. Looking at these people I wondered which was the princess of Norway?

(Friday's note: You know what's sad ... Ian only having seven people to invite to his funeral)

The service drew to an end all the participants slowly leaving after giving one last glance at the wooden box in the ground. Me and Marty just stood they're not sure what to do.

The man in the white shirt approached "Hello" he said raising up his hand.

"Hi" I said.

"Would like a lift back to town" he said "I've got a car here" the man pointed to a black Mercedes. I noticed he had a strong Russian accent, like he we was sucking up air every time he talked.

Marty piped up "Ah... would be so kind."

"Of course."

We hopped in the car and drove off. The police officer pulling out after us, for love of Mr. McLean I hope we hadn't just hopped into a criminals car.

"The names Arkhangelsky, Vlad Arkhangelsky" Vlad said from the drivers. His parents must of hated him to give him a name as bad as that.

During the long journey to town, Vlad convinced Martin to stop for a drink.