A good girl turns bad

*THIS IS MORE LIKE A "DATE TO DATE UPDATE" as in, my story. What I went through. One of the hardest toughest times of my life. Im writing this to express my feelings and not keep it all bottled up. Feel free to read and possibly leave a comment. Thank you.*

-Monique s.

Hi, my name is Monique. I'm 15 and currently attending the worlds smallest high school according to others. I can't seem to fit in with the cool kids but I rather believe I was born to stand out. I was in my sophomore English class with the most weirdest teacher Ms. Bamguart. Soon enough it was time for fourth period, Geometry with Mrs. vanderbitch as my friends and I called her. It was nearly 3:00 P.M as I started gathering my stuff to go home and sleep like any other teenager.

I rushed home and noticed I had a notification from twitter and it said, hey beautiful text me, from the hottest guy at school named Lazaro. Sure enough, I saved his number and texted him without any hesitation, it's Monique :). As I waited for his response, I started to wonder how someone so attractive would want to talk to ME? Was it all a joke? I couldn't help but wonder why. We started texting all night as the conversation got sexual. I thought Lazaro was just joking with me, so I figured I'd do the same. Little did I know that he was serious while I was giving him more ideas.

The next day we went to school without seeing each other as usual, I knew I didn't exist to him. So here I was dressed like a scrub, hair in a messy bun and didn't care. I was seriously not in the mood for anyone or anything. Lazaro invaded my mind every second of the day and distracted me from my school work. MONIQUE GET TO WORK OR YOU WILL LEAVE MY CLASS! Shouted Mr. Carlon. I soon dazed off and eventually that lead to me getting kicked out of class to the classroom next to mine, Lazaro's. I walk in and sure enough the teacher sits me next to him and the only thoughts running through my head were OMG DO I SMELL? DO I SAY HI? DOES HE KNOW IT'S ME? GOD PLEASE LET THE DAY BE OVER! I couldn't help but panic.

That same night Lazaro texted me and said, hey were you the cute girl with the big butt that was sitting next to me?, I couldn't help but smile!

The following day I stood there waiting outside my 7th hour waiting for him and also hiding at the same time, I was shy to talk to him in person. Lazaro was the sweetest most funniest person I have ever met, We told each other everything. We both started to like each other and couldn't help but find a way to be together knowing my parents were strict.

Sounds like a cute love story until I go into detail. Those little text that we wouldn't send back and fourth were about us having sex, little did I know that he was serious and I wasn't. Lazaro did like me for who I was, he did have feelings for me weather it was a tad bit he did. I won't forget the day he had upset me to the point where I didn't reply and he begged for me. (Sigh) oh how I wish he would do that again. I replied and sure enough I was hooked on this guy. Lazaro didn't only make me happy but he made me the person that I am today, confident yet insecure at the same time. (If that makes sense) . Anyways, days go on where him and I would stay up till 3 in the morning playing Xbox, oh how I loved that. Our late phone calls were you would do anything to make me laugh and make my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. I won't ever forget the time you told me you had feelings for me and wanted to make me your girlfriend, I didn't believe it but you made me believe it with the choice of words. How didn't I see it? Christmas passed and you and I were excited to head back to school to see each other, yet we didn't. I than went to a school play and you were suppose to meet up with me but didn't. I waited and waited until you texted me saying * I'm not going, you stood me up 25 times so this is payback* . My heart dropped because it wasn't ME that didn't want to be with you, it was my parents. I replied with *ok, it's fine I found my friend Jason :)* and you got jealous and said *meet up by the liquor store* and I got out of my seat and went on my way.

I felt these emotions I couldn't explain when I saw you and was walking towards you for the first time. Lazaro hugged me with the biggest smile on his face, I didn't want to let go. We both then walked towards your house until you grabbed me and started to kiss me, you wanted sex. To be honest, I wasn't quite ready at that moment because we were in the middle of nowhere. Lazaro and I didn't end up doing anything but hugging each other and kissing. I was hugging him so much that he asked me *why do you keep hugging me so much?* and I said * because.. This can be the last hug..* and you kissed me. It was then time for me to leave and you walked me and we held hands the whole way there, when you let my hand go, I felt sad and I missed you already. I turned back to see if you had walked away already and you were turned around looking at me, my heart raced faster and faster and the only thing I can think of was your smile and the way you would look at me. I felt like the most beautiful girl on this planet and the luckiest girl on this galaxy with you. I finally went home and I just couldn't stop smiling nor laughing. I was sprung on Lazaro. Days went on, we were so anxious to see eachother and I just couldn't believe that I had finally met up with him and our feelings were just mutual, well atleast I thought. Lazaro was that type of guy who wanted everything his way, he never cared about me or the pain he was causing me. For example, if I would try to talk about one thing he would change the subject and if I bright it up again, well I knew I would have just killed our whole conversation. I couldn't get him to not talk about sex ONCE. That's what was on his mind all the time, every time we talked that's all we talked about the most. He never ever once said "how was your day?" It was more like "when are we gonna fuck? ;)" . There were times when he would call me beautiful or baby and all that cute stuff but it was only when it benefited him *wanted something*. I just need to find closure in my heart from all of this. I seriously just can't believe through all the shit I went through, I'm still here standing..alive. There was this one night where we did nothing but argue, we fought about 50% of the time we were together or texted. He had told me something I won't ever forget nor forgive. He told me that I was worth nothing, that I was the biggest slut, bitch alive. That he deserves better than me and that he never wanted to talk to me ever again because he hated me.... How my heart broke, I honestly at that moment didn't care for ANY of the shit he said but the fact that I was losing him, I didn't want to lose him again.. He blocked me off everything, I didn't know what to do, what to say, how to react. My mom and I had this hate going on between us, NO ONE will ever understand, and I seriously didn't even know what to do, I ran to my mom while she was sleeping and looked at her without crying * I whipped my years away* and she asked me what was wrong and I cried, I cried like I never cried before in my life. I couldn't breath, I couldn't speak but the words came out I finally said *i can't... I just can't mom I cant* I walked away and ran to my room from there. I wanted to die, I wanted to punch something, I just wanted to be in his arms and hear him tell me everything would be alright. I hugged my pillow as tight as ever and cried myself to sleep. I woke up the next morning and didn't feel shit, I was numbed and depressed, I cried that day for 2 hours and realized that It was a sign for me to move on and realize I deserved better. Honestly, I KNEW and thought to myself while we were together that I needed better...why didn't I get better? If I told myself that, why didn't I just drop him and find him? Everything and anything had me thinking of Lazaro, I just missed him, he was apart of me and meant so much to me already.

I knew he had missed me too because his friends would tell me. I just can't see why we ended everything so quickly. Days went on * 3* and I got a message from him and it said *hey sorry, I was being a dick, you don't deserve that* and I replied with * I just don't wanna lose you, no matter what situation we come across, lets get past that, I know we can lazaro, I like you.* and all he said was * your never going to lose me. About 2 months passed and Lazaro and I had sex. We put all our troubles away And made up for it all. The first time I ever felt something like that, his touch, smell, kiss, everything. I miss him now, it's been over a year since then and we don't even speak.. I felt used, scared, worried. That same day, I cried all day, I had went to school and cried while he stayed home. I felt like I wasn't ready. I just won't ever forget how the next day, the whole school knew.. I was ashamed.. that's when everything started...

I began to lie, to cover up all my tracks and lies. I wanted to believe that everything was alright, I lied to myself saying that he wouldn't change and he did.