INTIMACY CLINIC - The Conversations we AVOID

WEEK FOUR: Sunday - part 05

Charlie kept looking at Komal.

Aanchal turned to Antara.

Antara pushed her shoulders up, and the corners of her lips down, while she shook her head, signalling Aanchal that she too is not sure why Charlie is silent.

Charlie saw Komal wipe her tears and turn her head up. "I am sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt the session." Komal said.

"You know Komal. . ." Charlie's lips parted.

Aanchal and Antara turned their eyes to Charlie, with the rest of the members.

He continued, "I am a private person." He leaned back while he continued, "Of course you see me take these sessions. Talk clearly, openly, share my life with you guys and all. Still, I am a private person. Because, I choose who I should share my opinions with. You all are here because someone I trust trusts you. And I share my opinions with you because I trust you will be discreet about it."

"You can trust me." Komal said.

Charlie showed a mild smile on his face, "Sharing is not that easy dear. It takes time, trust, and sometimes courage as well. Especially, when you want to share your pain."

Komal nodded.

"There could be many reasons behind that hesitancy. It could be fear, shame, guilt anything." Charlie added.

Komal nodded.

"But. . ." Charlie said. He took a pause before adding, "Does that mean we shall stop sharing our pain?"

"No. We shall not." Komal replied.

"Why not?"

"Because that pain will not go away until we have someone to share it with. To console us or to find a solution - to get rid of that pain - for us."

Charlie leaned forward. Looked into her eyes, and said, in a soft voice, "We all are here because we have something to share which we can't share with anyone else. We all have issues. We all are going through something. But we are trying to find a solution together. By sharing what we are going through, and discussing over it to find a solution, together. Because we all believe in what you just said."

Komal stared at him - blankly. 

He took a deep breath before he continued, and added, "I respect privacy. That's why I have the rule of taking the fifth. You can take the fifth to avoid what I am going to ask and I will not ask again. But we all would be glad if you could share your pain, and let us help you find a way to eliminate it."

Everybody raised their hands.

Komal saw all the hands, and the eyes, looking at her with empathy. Her eyes blurred once again.

Charlie continued, "What happened, Komal?"

Komal looked down.

"Do you want to take the fifth?" Charlie asked.

She shook her head.

***

There was silence in the room. Komal was still looking down.

"It's okay." Aanchal said, her hand still wrapped around Komal's shoulder, and added, "Whatever it is, we all are here with you."

"No one can help me." Komal said, in a low voice.

Aanchal saw a tear drop falling on her right hand. Aanchal looked at Charlie with pleading eyes.

"Try me." Charlie said.

Komal looked up at Charlie - her vision blurry.

"Try me." Charlie said in a soft voice.

"Can you help me?" Komal asked in a shaky voice.

"If I can't, I will find someone who can."

Komal wiped her tears. She paused to breathe, and said, "I am emotional. Too emotional. I get attached to people around me very soon. And once I get attached, I don't like to hurt their feelings. That is why I can't say NO."

"I figured." Charlie said.

Aanchal pulled her hands away from Komal to let her speak comfortably.

Komal continued, "When I was 14, my first boyfriend wanted to have sex with me. I tried to stop him. But he insisted and I let him do it. Because I couldn't say NO."

"By the way, that's a crime. You can't indulge yourself in any sexual activity before you turn 18. You can go to jail for that. Also, 14 is not the age to have sex." Charlie said.

"I know." Komal turnned her head down again. She paused for a moment, then added, "I knew, it was not right. But the thought of hurting his feelings blurred my judgement."

"We have already talked over this."

"Yeah. We did. But I want to tell you everything possible, about me, before I tell you what a mess I am in."

"Okay. Continue."

Komal looked up at Charlie. "When I turned 16. I became friends with a guy in my tuition. After a few months he proposed me. I said, I don't see you like that. He said, we are friends. We like each other. Then why can't we become girlfriend and boyfriend. I said, because I don't feel like that about you. So he proposed to try it for a few days. And said, if I still don't feel like it, then we can go back to being friends."

"And you said, yes." Charlie said.

"I couldn't say no." She looked down.

"Then?"

"From the next day, his behaviour changed. He started holding hands, being extra frank around me, trying to hug me, etc. He told all our friends that we are dating." She looked up at Charlie, and continued, "I didn't like any of that. But I didn't know how to say NO. So I changed my tuition. Stopped picking up his calls. Stopped replying his texts."

"You mean, you chickened out. You have a habit of avoiding the things where you have to say NO."

"Yeah." Komal looked down.

"And you think that's the solution?"

"I don't know."

"Did he stop because you stopped answering his calls?"

"No," Komal looked up. "He followed me, stalled me, called me from different numbers etc. It took me a few months to get him off my back."

"And you can go through all that but you can't say NO."

"Yeah." She looked down.

There was silence for a moment. Then she looked up at Charlie, "But I don't want to be like that."

"Good. At least you know that much." Charlie smiled.

***

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