Staring Over

Chapter 8

I don't know what to do right now. I feel like I am going to lose my mind. A part of me tells me that I have nothing to worry about, I haven't been a bad parent in any way and yet now that this has happened I petrified that I am going to lose my children, the very reason I am even still alive. And of this over a fucking shirt??? Really???

So hold on, let me take a breath. Here's what happened: My kids haven't gone trick or treating in five or six years because it was simply just too hard for me to take all four of them by myself and he never wanted to go with us so we just haven't gone. Well, now that I'm back with my family, my two biological kids are super excited that I am taking them trick or treating. I was honest with them and told them that I may not be able to get them costumes and so my daughter reached out to her father and asked him if he would get them costumes since I can't and he told her the only way he would get them costumes was if they came back to Texas and was with him. She doesn't want to go back to Texas, she is happy here in Oklahoma! And really to say that to her? Try and force her or guilt her or manipulate, whatever you want to call it? That's just BS. Anyway, I told her that's fine I will do what I can and if anything we can play with her makeup and they could always go as serial killers, they look like everyone else.

So I got paid and so today I took them to the store to get some necessities and look at the costumes. My son found one he was super excited about so it was worth the cost because he's going to wear that thing for quite a while. My daughter didn't find any costumes that she liked, so she asked if she could design her own and I said that was fine. She decided to get a shirt and draw all over it so I got her some fabric markers. She was super excited about it and I loved that for her.

We got home and she started drawing on the shirt with her new markers and then started writing. I left her alone and some time later, she said she was done. She had gotten on the internet and found a bunch of "rude" or "offensive" quotes that made her laugh and wrote them down. Now before anyone says anything, she is 13 but none of the quotes were vulgar or had cussing in them. They are insults and quotes that you can find on MANY Walmart shirts, shirts off Amazon, shit we have said when we were teenagers. Quotes like, "I don't care," "I hate people," "Does it look like I care?" "Yeah, no," and "I like the sound you make when you shut up." I burst out laughing because it is awesome and like I said she is really freaking proud of it.

Well, I sent the picture to her father's mother since she is creative, thinking she would get a kick out of it and that was my mistake. She didn't see it as neat as I did and sent it to her son. Surprise surprise when I got a call from him chewing me out about the shirt. He got all butthurt about it and somehow in his mind seems to think my daughter's shirt was her calling him out and being rude to him. All because the bottom quote she wrote states, "Leave me alone."

He swears up and down that she was directing that ONE quote to him personally! Like seriously??? His name is nowhere on the fucking shirt and that is a fucking quote that you can find EVERYWHERE! Teenagers say it a million times a day and even adults do!

We got in a huge argument because he swears up and down that I am poisoning her against him and that I'm lying about the fucking quote! He also swears up and down that I'm playing a game with him and that I am purposely keeping the kids away from him. I lost it and pointed out that the three visits that were planned all came from ME! I was the one to reach out to HIM and try to schedule visitation with him! It's not my fault the first time the kids got sick and the second time he went out of state for work. The last time was solely his own fault for not getting the kids! He refused to confirm that he would return the kids back to me by 3pm so I could take them trick or treating when I got off work and (he had a whole week to agree to bring them back to me and he read the message after I sent it by the way) so since I didn't have reassurance I would get the kids back I didn't not bring them down to him. Well he got all mad that I pointed that out to him. Then he yelled at me that I wasn't going to dictate to him. I laughed and told him I wasn't dictating to him, I was explaining why I needed them back by a certain time. It's not my fault he saw it that way and I didn't have to tell him why I needed them back by that time so I was actually being nice by giving him an explanation. Well, he didn't like that either.

He's now admitted that he is going to contest the online divorce papers I filed and file himself for sole custody and force the children back to Texas. I pointed out that that was going to destroy what little relationship he has with his daughter and he pretty much admitted that he doesn't care and he doesn't believe me since she "changed" after she moved up to Oklahoma with me. I laughed and told him if he really cared he wouldn't force her to move back. And then I questioned how I was poisoning her against him when he was the one to call her a liar and told her he didn't believe her and yet I am also the one that is going against everyone and trying to make sure he still has a relationship with his kids. I am the one that reached out for visitations when I didn't have to, I was the one who suggested to the kids to call and text their father or send him pictures and it's not my fault that they don't. I'm not going to force them to if they don't want to. If I was poisoning them against him and keeping them from him, I wouldn't be doing everything that I am doing for him!

He didn't like that either so now he's threatening to file in Texas and force the kids back to Texas and get sole custody. The rational part of me is telling me that he can try but won't succeed but the mom in me is now petrified. I can't lose my kids, they are the only reason I am still here. I'm doing everything that I can for them! I don't want to lose the job I just got because he is going to ask the judge to force us back to Texas. I don't know how he is going to afford a lawyer since he is struggling to pay the bills as it is. A part of me is ready to stop being nice and to start being petty and vindictive and somehow come up with my own money to file so I can make sure it's noted that he cheated on me and then ask for either spousal support and alimony and file for sole custody or primary parent myself and of course child support. But I don't want any bad karma on me either since I know he is financially struggling as it is and he has the two older boys to raise by himself that he is now saying I'm no longer their mother despite me stepping up and being their mom for the past 15 years.

This is just ridiculous! Seriously wants to get this upset over a fucking shirt that she's only going to wear for a few hours during trick or treating and that she was super fucking proud of??? So fucking childish...