my heart, your lips (apocalypse)

at the end of our shining memories (dark clouds gather) pt one

"Kim Seungmin," Lee Minho says, or rather, demands (because when it comes to Seungmin, Minho rarely, if ever, says anything). "I love you."

Hyunjin, who's seated beside him on the sofa, chokes and starts coughing up a spit ball. Jeongin, on Hyunjin's other side, lets out a strangled noise akin to a cat giving birth and loses his grip on the TV remote, which goes skittering across the floor.

Seungmin blinks, unsure if he should play along or inform Minho that he never agreed to a hidden camera prank, especially during off-work hours.

"Good evening to you too, hyung," he finally says, choosing to do neither. "Can you hand me the remote?"

Minho stares at him, mouth agape.

"It's near your foot," he adds, helpfully. "The left one."

"Didn't you hear what I just said?" Minho asks, his voice filled with disbelief. "I love you, Kim Seungmin."

On TV, the commercial break ends and the rerun of a popular drama that they'd been watching, returns.

"Okay, but you haven't given me the remote yet."

Hyunjin, having quieted down, chokes on his spit again. This time, Jeongin joins in.

For all that he's praised for his perceptive nature, Seungmin begins to realize that something's truly wrong only when Minho closes his eyes as if he's praying to the Lord Almighty, instead of issuing an insult or a death threat. "Be honest, Seungminnie. Is this your way of rejecting me?"

"Um-"

"Because you can just give it to me, straight," Minho says, his eyes opening slowly, like he's hesitant to look at Seungmin any more than he has to. "I can take it."

Seungmin's hands fist in his sweatpants, a nervous reaction to the steadily growing feeling of doom in his chest. "I don't- I don't understand. Are you saying- What... What are you saying, exactly?"

"I'm saying that I love you," Minho states, for the third time. And, now that Seungmin's really looking at him, he can see that the older man's ears are a violent shade of red, while his jaw is set like he's expecting to be hit. "Romantically."

It's Seungmin's turn to stare now.

"Oh no," he blurts out, panic overtaking his words. "That's really bad."

Hyunjin falls backwards off the sofa, taking Jeongin along with him.

The thing is, Seungmin has a list of candidates stored away in his mind when it comes to his team members' future lovers. And, never in his wildest dreams, has he ever considered adding his own name to the list.

So, when he receives a confession like that from this particular hyung of his, he does what he does best: he deflects.

"Kim Seungmin, stay back," Minho orders, in the aftermath of their next practice session. "The rest of you are free to go."

"Seungmin didn't mess up at all, today, though," Changbin protests, loudly, offended on behalf of their main vocalist. "Why are you telling him to stay?"

"It's better if you don't ask, hyung," Jeongin mutters, tugging at the older man's arm until Changbin relents. "Let's go."

Jisung, Hyunjin and Felix shuffle out of the room, the former eager to leave while the latter two send Seungmin wide-eyed looks, asking him if he needs help. Chan pauses for a moment before he walks out the door.

"Everything alright?" The Australian asks, calm and caring, but also so exhausted, and Seungmin has to remind himself that he's an adult. He can surely handle this, by himself.

"Peachy," he says, his lips stretching into a wide smile that shows off his teeth in a manner that he knows Chan adores. "I'll see you tomorrow, hyung."

Chan beams at him, and leaves and soon, he's alone, with his T-shirt and shorts and shoes, and a severely frowning Lee Minho in his vicinity.

"You-" Minho begins, frustratedly and then stops. "That day- did I make you uncomfortable?"

Seungmin stops short. He didn't expect this. "No," he lies, tugging at the hem of his shirt, his face carefully blank. "We're a team, hyung. We've been one for years. Of course, you didn't."

Minho raises a highly sceptical eyebrow. "Then, you've been going out of your way to make sure that our paths don't cross, for no reason at all?"

"I haven't been doing that," he lies, again, his poker face still intact. Never let it be said that Kim Seungmin isn't a good liar, because he will go above and beyond to prove people wrong. "I think it's your imagination."

Unfortunately, Minho isn't people. The longer he keeps his gaze trained on Seungmin, the more Seungmin slips.

"It happens when you're tired," he rambles. "And, we're all so tired, nowadays, aren't we? Besides, we just finished filming a music video and that's a special kind of burnout-"

"So, you don't mind that I'm in love with you?" Minho says, casual as can be, the frown disappearing from his face like it's never been there.

Seungmin's fingers twitch violently. "No."

Minho takes a step forward. "You don't mind that I see you as more than a friend?" And, then another. "As more than a teammate?" And, then another. "As more than just a colleague?" He rounds it off with a mockery of Seungmin's words about what their relationship is, when questioned by a fan.

"You can't help what you feel," Seungmin says, trying for nonchalance but he suspects that the tremble in his tone is enough to give him away, anyway.

"True," Minho drawls, as he draws even closer. "So, I think that the real question is this- What do you feel, Seungminnie?"

Seungmin turns and runs.

See, it's always been like this.

Seungmin pretends to beg for attention and Minho pretends to hate him, and then Seungmin exacts revenge and Minho chases him around with murderous intent. It's a classic cat-and-dog dynamic, perfected with years of practice and performance, and no matter how much Felix whines about how he just wants to see them get along for once, Seungmin doubts anyone is that happy when the cameras stop rolling and they revert back to just-Minho-and-Seungmin, two supposed friends who can't even hug to save a life.

It's weird and convoluted at times but Stays seem to like it, and the company likes to encourage it, and Seungmin is nothing if not someone who thrives on stability and routine, so he doesn't complain.

After all these years of living together and travelling the world, Seungmin likes to think that he and Minho have some sort of unspoken agreement that they're always going to choose what's best for the group. That involves never touching upon what's exactly keeping them stuck on parallel lines while they cross continental and cultural boundaries, because that's what's easier on everyone, right?

(And maybe, he's a little too afraid of what he will find if he removes the existing safety net of the frenemy tag and leaps into free fall. It's safer to live in ignorance than to find out that where a bridge should be seen, lies nothing but empty air, so he desists.)