The Shadow Of A Trainee | Bang Chan ✔️

Chapter 17.

Chan's P.O.V

The place was silent. Completely, utterly silent. I couldn't tear my eyes away from her. Mirae—our assistant, the girl who had slipped into our lives so easily, who had been so helpful, so unassuming—was now standing in the middle of a circle the little kids created around her, having just finished singing like she'd been doing it her whole life.

I glanced at the boys. Their faces mirrored my own disbelief. What just happened? Mirae can sing?

I exchanged glances with Lee Know, who was always the first to say what everyone was thinking. His brow furrowed, and then, with that matter-of-fact tone he always used, he said, "She can sing?"

Hyunjin, as dramatic as ever, threw his arms up. "Is this a drama? Are we living in a drama right now?"

Then, out of nowhere, Jeongin and Felix blurted out at the exact same time, "She can sing and dance?! Oh my god!"

I turned to them, confused. "Wait. She dances?"

The looks on their faces told me everything. Jeongin and Felix exchanged a panicked glance, like they'd just said something they weren't supposed to. I narrowed my eyes, waiting for an explanation. They shifted uncomfortably, and I could practically see the gears turning in their heads, trying to figure out what to say next.

Felix, being the one who could never really hide the truth, sighed and finally spoke up. "Okay, so... remember last week when you asked us to find Mirae after we finished practicing with ITZY?"

I nodded slowly, still not understanding where this was going.

"Well... we found her. But... she wasn't just hanging around the company or in a meeting with JYP. She was in another practice room. She was... um... training a group of seven boys. The group who came asking about her. JYP told her to do it."

The words took a second to sink in. Mirae? Training a group? I blinked, trying to process everything. That explained why she'd always seemed to know more than she let on, why she fit in so easily with us. She wasn't just an assistant. There was more to her than we knew.

"So," Changbin chimed in, grinning, "I guess our assistant has a few secrets, huh?"

But I wasn't really listening to them anymore. My attention had drifted back to her—Mirae. She stood there, smiling, probably unaware of the effect she was having on all of us. But especially on me.

I don't know when it happened. I don't know how it happened. But suddenly, I couldn't take my eyes off her. The way she moved, the way she carried herself with that natural grace—it was like I was seeing her for the first time.

And as I watched her, memories started flooding back. The way she smiled when we drank tea in the garden just a few days ago, the way her eyes sparkled when she laughed, the way she teased the members, playfully sassy but never overstepping. I remembered how easily she'd gotten everyone to like her, how she had become part of our chaotic family in just a matter of days.

But then there were those smaller moments—moments that stood out more to me than they should have. Like when I offered her my hand to help her up from the bench, and our fingers lingered a little too long. Or when she came into my room and tripped over her own feet, and I caught her. I was only in a towel, and she... she looked up at me with those wide eyes, and for a moment, it felt like the world stopped.

I couldn't stop thinking about it. The way her skin glowed under the soft lights, the way her lips looked so soft, so... kissable.

What am I doing?

It hit me like a ton of bricks. My heart thudded in my chest, and for a split second, I couldn't breathe.

I had feelings for her. Strong feelings. And it wasn't just admiration anymore. It wasn't just me appreciating her hard work or her personality. This was something deeper. Something I hadn't wanted to admit to myself.

Oh no. I'm falling for her.

Panic surged through me. This wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to feel like this. I couldn't. I can't. I made a promise—to myself, to the boys, to Stray Kids. The group comes first. It'll always comes first. No distractions. No relationships. This—whatever this was—was a distraction. It would ruin everything.

I needed to stop these feelings. I needed to push them down, far down, where they couldn't reach me. Maybe if I just... distanced myself from her, it would go away. Maybe if I acted colder toward her, she would eventually lose interest. I could turn this into something I hated, something that would make these feelings disappear.

But the very thought of hurting her, of pushing her away, twisted my stomach into knots. I didn't want to hurt her. The idea of making her sad, of her looking at me with anything other than that soft, warm smile... it made my chest ache.

I glanced at the boys. Maybe I should talk to them. But I knew what they would say. They'd tell me to follow my heart. They'd say that it was okay to feel this way. But they don't understand. They don't know what it meant to be the leader, to put the group above everything else. Above my own feelings.

I looked back at Mirae. She was laughing with the little kids, completely unaware of the war raging inside me. She was beautiful. Perfect, really. And that only made it harder.

I can't love her. I won't. I promise.

But as I watched her, as my heart pounded in my chest, I knew deep down...

This was a battle maybe I was going to lose. 

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