Love's First Whisper | A Romantic Memoir ✔

04. Language of Silence

Vulnerable, yet loved

"Why do you think that I don't love you?", I asked, a light chuckle escaping me at your words.

"How do I know if you love me?", you interrogated, indirectly seeking kisses.

"How do I tell it exactly? I always do!", I exclaimed, saddened by the possibility of what you were claiming might be from the bottom of your heart.

"I know that you love me.", you replied, and I could sense your smile.

"You know that I love you or I don't?", I asked, raising an eyebrow.

I knew you were seeking kisses from me, something in which I was failing very hard.

I realised that it was your newly discovered way of asking them. I wanted to give them, too. But-

My eyes drifted to your bare arms, exposed by the spaghetti straps of your floral dress adorned with white and pink colours. I wished to trace circles there but wasn't able to.

I never expected that 25-year-old Abhik Malhotra would feel so powerless in the presence of his lady.

I felt vulnerable. I came to understand that I had lost everything to you. My heart was overwhelmed with a surge of intense emotions. I felt like I might cry.

I hadn't recognized that it was due to feeling so exposed in front of you; I hadn't realized it was because I was seeing you after so many years; I hadn't understood that the urge to cry stemmed from the fact that we were getting engaged in a week, and I also hadn't recognized it was because you were finally going to be officially mine.

"I feel like crying.", I asserted truthfully.

"Then, cry."

You were resting on my lap, with your sides on the bed, your left cheek directed toward me. I leaned down, my back bent and I pressed my cheek against yours, our breaths blending together.

I wanted to shift my face slightly to connect my lips with yours, but it felt impossible as I set aside the thought of kissing you that day.

It's been about seven years, maybe a few months more. Perhaps after marriage, I won't hold back.

I brushed aside every thought of kissing you and squeezed my eyes shut. The atmosphere was filled with silence as our breaths intertwined.

My eyes became misty, and I allowed the tears to flow, keeping them tightly closed. Our hearts communicated in a way that words could never express.

Our souls became intertwined in a lovely melody created by the rhythms of our heartbeats together.

You shifted positions, gently lifting your head from my lap as I lay down- opening my feet, my head thudding softly onto the bed.

I wasn't laying conventionally again; my feet pointed towards the headboard. You settled in front of me, face-to-face, initiating a beautiful eye-contact.

"Why do you cry, sweetheart?", you asked, your hands reaching my face.

"You shouldn't.", you added, caressing my face. I leaned into your touch, closing my eyes and letting myself sink in the warmth of your comfort.

Visualising a better position for us, I settled onto the bed once more. I spread open your arms and nestled into your embrace. Holding you closely, I pressed myself against your chest.

The irregular rhythm of your heart sounded in my ears, calming my racing heart. The warmth radiating from your body enveloped me, easing my anxiety.

Silence.

The room was filled with the sound of my breath and the rhythm of your heartbeat. I felt at ease, calm, and found no reason to weep any longer.

I gazed at you, pulling my head away from your hold. As I lifted myself up, I placed a kiss on your left cheek, just above your cheekbone.

"I love you so much." I murmured. You lifted your body once more as I rested my head and left cheek on the bed. Your left cheek on mine.

Two kisses on my face. "I love you more."

"I love you so very much.", I said.
Three kisses on your cheek.

"I love you so very much more.", you said and gave me two kisses.

"I love you very much more."
Two more kisses on my cheek.

"No. I love you more."
Kisses on your cheek.

"I love you very, very, very, very, very much.", I claimed like a child, raising my head and kissing your cheek.

My eyes closed tightly, I gently grazed my lips against the skin of your jaw, taking it between my lips and nibbling softly.

Thrice. I repeated this tender gesture three times. You then lifted your head, detaching our cheeks, breaking our tender connection and my lips parted from your skin.

I lifted my head once more to make my lips meet your cheek, your head lingering in air. I again pressed a gentle kiss to your jaw. As you shifted upwards again, my eyes opened, locking onto yours, and I gazed up at you.

I sensed your unease. My intimate kisses had crossed a boundary, which might have made you retreat, I thought.

A smile made its way on your face when I retrieved my head from hanging in the air, softly attaching my left cheek again to the bed. I believed your smile was meant to provide me comfort and to convey a desire for empathy regarding your unease erupting from my kisses.

I made the choice to hold back.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒