Challenging 12

Chapter one

FEB 8TH 1997

WREN

I didn't like being by myself. Hated it, really.

Nanny told me not to use that word. Said "hate" was much too strong. But she doesn't know what it feels like to be this lonely. Not like I do.

She said we're moving to a nice little town in I-land. She said there'd be other children around. That maybe I'd make friends. And she said Mummy and Daddy would come to see me more often, and wouldn't that be lovely?

I tried to imagine it: a new house with green grass and a gate and people nearby. Mummy and Dad laughing in the kitchen, maybe playing a board game like they used to with me.

But then Nanny said she wouldn't be coming with us. That this was goodbye. And she didn't even sound sad.

I stared at her, waiting for her to say she was only joking. But Nanny just smiled like she was glad. Maybe even relieved. She started folding my clothes into the big suitcase, all my jumpers and socks and that silly scarf Mummy had bought me last Christmas and forgot she'd given me. Nanny hummed while she packed, like it was just another ordinary day and not the end of everything.

"Why can't you come with us?" I asked, gripping the edges of my seat. "You've always been here. You're supposed to come too."

She paused, looking down at me with one of those soft smiles grown-ups wear when they know something you don't. "I'll still be around, pet," she said, patting my shoulder. "And I'm sure you'll love Ireland. It's a magical place."

Magical. I didn't know what that meant exactly, but it sounded better than this room, better than days and nights on my own, eating dinner with the TV for company while Mummy and Dad worked late. Maybe I could like it there, wherever it was.

But that little corner of hope fell away as Nanny zipped up my bag. I felt my throat get tight, and my cheeks started burning, though I tried not to cry. She wasn't supposed to leave. She was the one who tucked me in at night, even when it was just for a quick pat on my head and a "Sleep tight, dear." The one who told me it'd all be alright.

"Will you still write to me?" I asked in a voice so quiet it didn't sound like mine.

She gave a little laugh, ruffling my hair. "Oh, Sunshine," she said, like that should have been enough of an answer.

Nanny held my gaze for a moment, her hand lingering on top of my head, then turned back to packing as if my whole world wasn't changing. I didn't know what to do, so I just sat there, staring down at my shoes, feeling small and hollow.

I didn't want a "magical" place. I wanted things to stay the same. I wanted Nanny to tuck me in and make me toast in the mornings and remind me not to use "hate." But that was all slipping away, and no one seemed to care.

When Mummy came in, her heels clacking on the polished floor, she barely looked at me. Her lipstick was too red, and she smelled like perfume, sharp and cold. "Ready, Serena?" she asked, smiling like we were just off on a little holiday.

I hated my name. Serena. It was too soft, too proper, like I was supposed to sit quietly in a corner and smile politely. Nanny always called me Wren. She said it suited me better, a little bird with a big voice. I liked that. Wren felt like someone who could wander wherever she wanted, like maybe one day, I'd grow wings and fly somewhere far away.

But I didn't correct Mummy. She didn't like "Wren."

I nodded because I didn't know what else to do. Nanny handed her the suitcase, barely blinking as Mum took it from her. No hugs, no tears. Just... nothing. Like she was happy to see us go.