Does Voldemort Even Lift, Bro?

Chapter 16: Year 5-- You and Whose Army V

Author's Note: Beware of the coming Robot Apocalypse!

___________________________________

"Alright dudes, welcome to Defense Against the Dark Arts," Harry said as his minions and soon to be minions filed into the classroom the next Wednesday morning. Muttering about how awesome he was immediately started up, all these firsties blessed to have such an excellent sub for the day.

"Now, you can call me Mister Potter or the coolest dude in the world," he continued with a smile. "And being as awesome as I am, today's lesson is also going to be totally amazing. So, stand up and let me get these desks out of the way so we can have some fun."

Parvati was already giggling about something. For some reason, she had decided to come along and watch- and she claimed it wasn't just to see more of how badass he was.

Harry banished all the desks up against the walls and strode into the middle of the room.

"Our first question: what makes the best defense?" He looked around the room and noted the confused looks. "Come on, don't be shy. Hugh?"

He pointed to one of his little dudes who shrugged. "I don't know. We've only had three lessons."

"Don't restrict your thoughts to magic," Harry shook his head. "You've got to keep your head when things get awesome, right? So think about real world ideas."

"A good offense?" one of the little dudes with a yellow tie said.

"Exactly," he grinned. "What's your name, dude?"

"Cuthbert," the little dude replied. "Cuthbert Macmillan. My brother's in your year."

"Right, Parvati, make a note for me to give five points later for a good answer."

His honey shot him a dirty look. "What am I, your secretary?"

He nodded with a grin. "The hottest secretary in the world, babe."

She rolled her eyes. "You are such a doofus, Harry."

"Try not to be distracted by my honey," Harry instructed the class. "Let's get back to the lesson. So, a good offense is the best defense. Do you know what that means?" He paced for a moment, looking at all the little faces and he smiled as he bathed in their attention. "That means that when the going gets tough, the tough get rough. If a bad guy comes at you, don't stand there waiting around for them to throw the first spell. Instead, do something like this:

"Aculeo!"

His spell jetted across the room, striking the mannequin he'd set up right in the chest and knocking it over. The kiddoes cheered.

"Looked pretty cool, right?" Harry turned to his audience. "The thing is, that's just a Stinging Jinx, which is something simple enough that you little dudes should be able to learn it, no problem. But it hurts like a son of a bitch, so if you use it right, you can zap an enemy and make them think twice about trying to start some sh-"

"Harry!" Parvati scolded him.

"Alright, babe, keep your shirt on," he grumbled. "My point is that with a good offense you can finish the fight before the bad guy even gets started. So, line up and we'll get started on teaching you dudes this handy little spell."