Charles spent the next few days alone, feeling as if he were drifting through a fog. He went through his usual routines, but everything felt muted, like he was just going through the motions. He’d never felt this… empty before. He missed Max—missed the comfort of his presence, the easy way they could talk about everything and nothing. But the doubt still lingered, a weight he couldn’t shake.
One night, Charles found himself wandering through the city, his hands shoved deep in his pockets as he tried to clear his head. The streets were quiet, the air crisp, and he found himself walking past places they used to go together: the café where they’d spend lazy mornings, the small park where they’d have impromptu races for no reason other than to make each other laugh.
He knew he couldn’t keep avoiding Max forever. But the thought of facing him, of admitting how broken he felt, was terrifying. Charles had always been the one who held it together, who stayed calm and collected. But right now, he felt like he was falling apart, and he wasn’t sure how to fix it.
When he finally made it back to their apartment, the lights were dim, and he felt a pang of guilt. Max was probably waiting for him, and the thought made his chest tighten. He slipped inside quietly, unsure if he wanted Max to be awake or asleep.
But as he entered, he found Max sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the wall, a look of exhaustion etched into his features. He looked up as Charles walked in, and for a moment, they just stared at each other, the silence stretching between them, heavy and filled with everything they hadn’t said.
“You’re back,” Max said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Yeah,” Charles replied, not knowing what else to say. He felt like he was standing on a tightrope, caught between wanting to run to Max and wanting to keep his distance.
Max looked down, his hands clenched tightly in his lap. “I… I’ve missed you,” he admitted, his voice wavering just slightly. It was the most vulnerable Charles had ever seen him, and it broke something inside him.
“I missed you too,” Charles whispered, feeling the weight of the truth in his own words. Being apart hadn’t made things easier; it had only made him realize how deeply he cared for Max, and how terrifying that was.
Max’s eyes met his, filled with a mixture of sadness and hope. “I… I thought a lot about what you said,” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. “About needing to feel like you’re enough. And I… I don’t know how to make you believe it. But you are, Charles. You’re more than enough for me.”
Charles’s heart ached at the sincerity in Max’s voice, but he couldn’t bring himself to respond. He wanted to believe it, desperately, but there was still a small part of him that was afraid, that was convinced he was only there because Max needed someone, anyone, to fill the emptiness in his life.
Max seemed to sense his hesitation, and his shoulders slumped, a look of defeat crossing his face. “Maybe I don’t deserve you,” he whispered, his voice barely audible. “Maybe you’re right to doubt me. I just… I don’t know how to be better.”
Charles felt a pang of guilt at Max’s words, and he took a step closer, his voice soft but firm. “It’s not about being better, Max. It’s about… I need to feel like I’m more than just someone to keep you company. Like I’m not just filling a space in your life.”
Max looked up, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. “Charles, you are. You’re… you’re the best part of my life. I just… I’m scared. I’m scared that I’m going to mess this up. That I’m going to lose you because I don’t know how to show you how much you mean to me.”
Charles’s chest tightened, the ache in his heart intensifying. He’d never heard Max talk like this before—so open, so vulnerable. It was like seeing a side of him he hadn’t known existed, and it broke down some of the walls he’d built up over the past few days.
He took a shaky breath, his voice barely above a whisper. “Max… I don’t need you to be perfect. I just need you to be honest with me. To let me in, even when it’s hard.”
Max nodded, his gaze dropping to the floor. “I know. And I want to, I do. I just… I’m not used to feeling this way. It’s new, and it scares me.”
Charles took a step closer, reaching out and gently placing a hand on Max’s shoulder. “You don’t have to be scared alone,” he said softly, his thumb brushing lightly against Max’s arm. “I’m here, Max. I want to be here. But I need you to let me.”
Max looked up at him, a tear slipping down his cheek, and for a moment, Charles saw the raw vulnerability in his eyes. It was like looking into the heart of Max’s fears, his insecurities, the walls he’d built to protect himself. And in that moment, Charles realized that Max wasn’t just afraid of losing him—he was afraid of letting himself be loved.
Slowly, Max reached up and took Charles’s hand, holding it tightly, as if afraid to let go. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice choked with emotion. “For everything. For making you feel like you weren’t enough. You are. You always have been.”
Charles squeezed his hand, feeling the weight of Max’s words settle over him, both comforting and painful. He knew that this wasn’t going to be easy, that there were still so many things they needed to work through. But in that moment, with Max’s hand in his, he felt a glimmer of hope.
“Then let’s figure it out,” Charles murmured, his voice filled with quiet determination. “Together.”
Max nodded, a faint, shaky smile crossing his lips. They sat there in silence, holding onto each other, as if afraid that letting go would shatter the fragile understanding they’d just begun to build. It wasn’t perfect, and it wasn’t easy, but it was a start. And for now, that was enough.
YOU ARE READING
𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴~ Lestappen
Fanfictionwhen all the past trauma finds a way out when a person comes into his life, someone very 𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑙. First story<3 Also English is not my first language so mistakes can happen!
