The worker // FREENBECKY

24

FREEN POV

In all my fights and all my arguments with Irin, nothing had felt this shitty before.

Is this how it feels when you feel strong about someone and it just crashes, so many reasons why it won't work out but there's that little ray of hope that it would.

I mean why would someone so beautiful and pretty like Becky want to even associate with someone broke, or someone who has a grown child.

I mean maybe I'm rushing into my thoughts and shouldn't even think about Becky being part of mine and riley's life. Maybe it was riley's diary that got to me.

It can't, I feel it when I kiss her, even if they are so short, they feel so strong, and every single time I'm doing something I'm always thinking about her.

She's always on my mind, I mean I make extra effort to look good at work nowadays just so she can walk in and see me, but she hasn't come and it sucks.

Maybe it's good she's cutting me out, I would never be able to make her happy, bad luck I'd always on my side, I loved Irin and she became someone else over the years, I couldn't make her happy.

I really need to be alone, I just need to leave my focus on riley, it's hard when you have a beautiful selfless social worker around you, when she's supposed to be helping me get riley all to myself I can't help but want her there as well.

Why why why? push her out of your head Freen, your being unrealistic, she's way too good for us. For me, a fucking loser, who's using other people's money to get my shit together.

Freen: I'm sorry

Becky: me too

Freen: from today, fresh start, we'll keep this strictly about riley okay.

Becky: deal.

I sigh as I get ready for my shit day, working in the bakery and then going to help the builders and designers with mine. I should tell them to go but Becky's paid them a heavy amount. I'll pay her back when I get all of my shit together.

Another reason why I can't brush her off my mind, a social worker wouldn't casually pay for all of this yet she did, but it's fine, I know Becky doesn't want me and I shouldn't bother fighting with her on this because I know she's worth and deserves a lot more than some baker.

After I decide to visit Irin, she gave so many calls on the home phone, I waited for her and then she came out with guards.

"They are actually discharging me tomorrow, my dad has paid them good money" Irin says as she smiles at me

She looks so much more calmer, more of the woman I fell in love with and not the insane alcoholic one, maybe all we needed was space and our family could be back to one.

"Freen I fucking hate it here, I've learnt my lesson, I'm gonna become a better person, I'm gonna fight for us to get our riley back and we're gonna be a happy family, I promise you" she sobs

I wanted riley to myself, but maybe riley needs her real mother and I'm being insane. I'm probably not going to be good enough as a single mother, I'm not maternal like Becky is.

I can't sing her to sleep like Becky can, fuck I'm such a shit person. I'm useless. I hate myself.

"Please promise me when your out, you'll treat riley well" I beg her, I need my daughter to be happy, if I'm not I'll work on riley's happiness.

"I promise freen, I've been taken to rehab, I'm becoming a better person I promise" Irin smiles as she looks at me.

Brush Becky away, brush that beautiful smile that she rarely shows, her kitten eyes, her perfect singing voice, forget everything.

Irin will be the mother that she was before for riley, when we were a perfect family, she's not an alcoholic anymore.

I'll be happy again soon.

When leaving the station I check my cell.

Lingling: riley has a school performance tomorrow, she wants us four there!

Freen: four?

Lingling: me, you, Orm and Rebecca

Freen: Rebecca as in Becky

Lingling: yes dumbass

Freen: oh what time

Lingling: 2.30

Freen: did Becky agree to come?

Lingling: I haven't asked her yet, she's not healed completely but i think Orm is on the phone to her, I highly doubt she will come to her performance but riley's insisting.

Freen: okay, I'll be there!

Lingling: okay see u there tomorrow

Freen: see u

Becky won't come right? she just had a surgery, she's still healing, why would she?

It would be so important for riley if Becky did come, I don't want her to feel let down when Becky doesn't come to her performance.

The next day I'm at riley's school, the seats are packed full of parents, I find lingling and Orm, I can't wait to see my little girl perform.

I sit down next to them and realise Becky isn't here, it's understandable.

Once the classes perform I saw a small figure enter the room and she looks at me and then looks back down.

She came?

She walks a bit slow compared to before, she looks so pretty, she lost a lot of weight, and I feel like wrapping my arms around her, she looks so tired. I get off my seat as she approaches us for her to sit but she shakes her head silently as she fake smiles then she walks to Orm and sits next to her, on the other side of me.

She wraps her arms around Orm and leans her head on her shoulder, I can't help but feel shit with Becky and i's relationship not like before.

I feel like pure utter shit and I try and fake my smile for riley as she comes out being a little drama queen that she is.

My heart melts as she looks at Becky with so much love, even whilst everyone's performing she smiles at Becky, I turn to look at Becky who looks at riley with almost tears in her eyes, she signals a thumbs up at her as if she taught riley her lines.

She probably did, another thing Irin couldn't do for my daughter yet Becky did.