She didn't say anything, instead she just stood there, staring at the ground. She asked me what I thought it would feel like to fall from this high.
I told her, "Like it does when you're on a roller coaster, why?"
She stepped off the ledge, came up to me, and whipsered something in my ear. At first I couldn't understand her, but I had a feeling I knew what was about to happen, and I couldn't bare to let it happen. Then, less then a second later, she was pacing back to the ledge. She looked over it, then back at me. Over, than back at me. She turned around while standing on the ledge of that towering skyscraper. I almost thought she would stay with me, but how in the world could I be more delusional? I ran to her and right as I was about to grasp her delicate hands, she said "Trust fall." And fell backwards. My heart stopped beating as I watched the only person I've ever loved, disappeared from my life forever. I was so incredibly tempted to fall after her, almost like a Romeo and Juliet love story. Except our story was longer than three days, and I wasn't seventeen.
"Now, Cris. Would you say you and Natalie were..close?" Dr. Monroe questioned.
"What do you think? I talk about her in every godforsakin session with you. She was the reason for me still being here. The reason I got out of bed in the morning. Now she's gone. And I have no one." I shouted aggressively towards my him.
I swear. If one more person asks me about Natalie, I'm going to lose it. I was there with her from the beginning. No one else knew her the way I did. She was more than a lover, she was my best friend. Her funeral was last week and all I heard from her family was bull shit throughout the entire service.
None of them truly cared for her. When I heard her sister, Samantha speak, I was disgusted. She said that she knew everything about Natalie and that she helped her through everything that was going on. It was a complete pity party when she started crying, and that's exactly what she wanted. She was barely ever in Natalie's life, but when she was, she made her feel worse than she already did.
The only thing my therapist was able to mutter out was how I should focus on different things that I'm interested in. Such as my paintings or singing. He truly didn't understand the problem at hand. Honestly, sometimes I wonder how he even got his PHD.
When my session was over all I could think about was how wrong he was about everything. My step dad somehow convinced my mother that I needed a therapist. Considering she thought Natalie was just my best friend and nothing more, she agreed to the idea.
I don't understand how she settled for a man like him. I mean, he's just so dreadful. He constantly plants ideas such as me needing a therapist or that I'm depressed. She believes him only because he's a so called "doctor" who thinks he knows everything.
The way he looks at me makes me want to cringe. I feel like he knows my secrets. Like he knows about me and Natalie, or that I'm gay. It's as though one day he's going to go up to my mom and tell her everything. I don't know what I'd do if that happened. I couldn't attempt to deny it because she believes everything he says. It seems like I'll never get out of this hell hole.
As I turned the keys for my 2007 Ranger to start, I plugged in my phone into the aux cord and put my playlist on shuffle. Can you guess what starts playing as soon as I begin driving?
505
Of all songs to play right now, 505 has to play. I almost turned to skip the song, but I had to focus on the paved road ahead of me.
I come up onto Parker Avenue, the light turns red. As I'm waiting for the fire truck colored light to turn green, a black Chevy pulls up next to me. The ignorant man driving the vehicle roles down his window and obnoxiously shouts to me, "Hey babe why don't you pull over and I'll take you back to my place."
I glanced at him then maintained my focus on the bright red light. When the light finally turned its faded green colour, I started driving again.
I looked over at my rearview mirror a few times and the man in the Chevy was at least two or three cars behind me each time. I took one of the back roads to get home in an attempt to avoid any trouble with him, but as I turned into my detour, he did the same. There was a thought in the back of my head saying to pull over and confront him, but I remembered one of Natalie's stories she had told me, so I decided to just keep driving and try losing him.
I took three rights and a left to get rid of him. Natalie had told me to do that since people like that usually think you'll make four rights or four lefts. It pains me how much I still think about her, but the thought of her gives me enough strength throughout the day. Not as much as it did when she was here, but still enough.
She was honestly the most genuine person I had ever met. Even in her dark time that she was in, she was always there for me. Some nights I'd call her at four in the morning, balling my eyes out and I'm still not sure how she did it, but she calmed me down. She made me feel safe.
I wish she was still here..
