Today was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life; I was accepted into my dream university, one of the best in the world, a place I'd spent years working toward. I'd always imagined myself walking on that campus, studying alongside some of the brightest minds, free to pursue my dreams and passions. But the reality was nothing like I'd imagined.
Instead of the excitement and support I'd hoped for, I faced a wall of expectation from my family. They had been planning my wedding for months, set on the idea of me marrying someone they had chosen. I tried to talk to them, to explain that I wanted to focus on my studies, to explore my potential, to live life on my own terms. But my words fell on deaf ears. They couldn't see past the traditions they held so dear, and they refused to listen.
I was torn. I loved my family, but I also knew this marriage wasn't what I wanted. The closer the wedding date came, the more suffocated I felt. I could hardly breathe under the weight of their expectations and my own dreams slipping away. I felt trapped between duty to my family and a burning desire to live a life of my choosing.
After a long night of thinking, I made the hardest decision of my life. I would run away. It was terrifying, the thought of leaving behind everyone and everything I knew, but staying meant giving up everything I'd worked for. I didn't just want to escape the wedding; I wanted to escape any chance of being found. I needed to disappear in a way that no one could recognize me.
That's when the idea came to me. I would change my appearance, take on a completely new identity. I would present myself as a young man instead of a young woman. It was risky, but it was my only option. I cut my hair, altered my clothes, and practiced walking and talking differently. Each change was another piece of my old self fading away, and yet, it was freeing in a way I had never felt before.
With my new identity, I applied for admission into an elite boys' university. Every moment felt surreal, and there were nights I lay awake wondering if I had made the right choice, if I would ever be able to go back. But I reminded myself that this was my one chance to live the life I wanted. As difficult as it was to leave everything behind, I knew deep down that this was the only path where I could be true to myself.
Now, here I am on my first day, walking through the gates of the university. I arrived early, hoping I could blend in, slip through the halls unnoticed. But even in this massive sea of new faces, I felt more alone than I ever have. Everywhere I looked, groups of friends laughed, chatted, and shared inside jokes. Watching them made my heart ache-I could still remember the closeness I had with my own friends, the friends I left behind without a word.
A wave of guilt washed over me. My friends had been like family to me, supporting me through everything. We shared dreams, secrets, and endless plans for the future. But when I needed them the most, I left without saying goodbye. I never told them where I was going or why I suddenly disappeared. I'd run away, leaving nothing behind but a silence I knew they would never understand.
"Alright, focus, Bella," I reminded myself, taking a deep breath. Or rather, "Ben." Here, I was known as Ben-a boy with a new life, new dreams, and no past. This life, this name, was my chance to start over, free from the expectations I'd escaped. But it was also a constant reminder that I was hiding, that I had given up a part of myself to live in a disguise that I was barely used to.
"Focus on the present," I muttered, steeling myself. I was here to study, to build a future on my own terms. I couldn't afford to think about the past, to let emotions or memories cloud my resolve. And most importantly, no one could ever know the truth about me. Here, I wasn't Bella; I was Ben. This identity was my shield, my protection from the life I'd left behind.
As I wandered through the courtyard, a group of students passed by, laughing loudly and calling each other's names. They seemed carefree, their voices filled with excitement and anticipation for the days ahead. I felt a pang of longing-I wanted to belong, to make friends, to laugh again. But I knew it wasn't that simple for me. Getting close to anyone was a risk. Every friendship, every conversation could expose my secret, and I couldn't let that happen.
I reminded myself that I was here because I had fought for this chance, sacrificed everything for it. This was my path, the one I chose when I walked away from my old life. I would have to build this new life alone, in silence, hidden behind a name and face that weren't truly mine.
As the day went on, I kept my head down and stayed unnoticed. Every time I heard a laugh or saw a group of students talking, I felt that familiar ache of loneliness. But I reminded myself, over and over, that this was what I had chosen. For now, I would have to be content with the knowledge that I was free, and that this was a new beginning, even if it was one I had to face alone.
With each passing hour, I grew more determined. I could do this. I had already made it this far. And as long as no one discovered who I truly was, I would be able to keep moving forward. After all, this was the life I had chosen-Bella's dreams wrapped in the identity of Ben, hidden from the world but finally free.
