𝐒𝐋𝐔𝐓! ʲ ᵇᵘʳʳᵒʷ

001. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐤

"You're... you're letting me go?" I gasp into the phone, my heart sinking to my stomach. "Unfortunately, so, Talullah," Kelli answers over the phone. "Why? I've been a part of this team for- for 4 years," I say, baffled. "You have, haven't you? Now Lua, you know this isn't personal."

"Personal? How isn't this personal? I moved here with $200 in my account! I was 21! I have no family here! And now you just- just kick me off the team?" My voice rises and I know I need to keep my composer, but I just can't. I've dedicated years of my life to this team. Blood, sweat, tears, and a lot of money. Just for this bullshit.

"Talullah. I'm not kicking you off. You just didn't make the squad. There are girls who are just better than you this season."

My skin begins to heat up with anger. "Better than me? Are you serious? Kelli, I went to Bama on a full ride for cheerleading. No offense, but I promise you they aren't better than me. This is about those bullshit rumors those girls started."

She sighs over the phone. I can imagine it now- in her office, filing her nails, rolling her eyes. "That is not why-"

I cut her off. "I'm not stupid. Not to sound egotistical, but I'm the reason the Cowboys were so successful the past couple of years. They can't play worth a shit. Remember when the line of fans was so long that I stayed two hours after the game? Or when the tickets to the shows and conventions sold out the same day? Who were they there to see, Kelli? News flash: not you and not those newbies who you're trying to replace me with."

She gasps over the phone, and I know it's over. "Good luck trying to replace me. Have a terrible day."

I hang up the phone and throw it against the wall- I cringe at the sound it makes when it hits the floor. I'm so mad that I leave it there, basking in its own damage. I cover my mouth with my hands and scream out everything that's bubbled inside me from the moment Kelli told me I didn't make the squad this season. 

My throat hurts by the time I'm done. 

I throw a passing glance at my phone. It lies face up, a web of cracks splintering across the glass screen. Great. I trudge into the laundry room to take Bandit out of his cage. "Bandit," I sigh, leaning over to find him. I catch a glimpse of his red-brown fur peeking out from under his hut made of logs. 

"Bandit," I call, placing my hand down on his bedding. His fur disappears into the hut for a second, and he comes hopping out. "Hi sweet boy," I sigh, picking him up and cuddling him into the crook of my neck. I retreat back to the couch, placing him on my chest. Bandit's nose twitches as I run my finger over the small tuff of white fur, right in the middle of his head. He makes his way up and into the dip between my shoulder and neck. "Oh, Bandit. What am I gonna do?" I whisper. The guinea pig says nothing- why would he? But he burrows closer into my neck, and I know he understands. 

The overwhelming sense that I don't know what I'm going to do with my life creeps in and I suddenly feel sick. The photos that hang on my wall feel like they're staring at me. Photos of me and my teammates, pristine uniforms and perfectly painted makeup. A haunting memory of what I just lost. 

I'm not just upset- I'm mad. I've put in so much work- long hours, so much money, I even picked up a second job just to be able to afford the uniforms and copious amounts of makeup and hair products. I moved away from my family- I have no one here. The girls on the team were really all I had. And now I'm gone. Replaced, like I was nothing. 

I hold Bandit close as I stand up, running a hand through my hair. "It's been a long day, buddy. Let's go to bed."

I kiss his tiny forehead and put him back into his enclosure. I retreat to my room and bury myself in the blankets, waiting for sleep to envelop me. 

---

When I wake up, an overwhelming sense of dread eats away at me. I push it aside. There's no point in wallowing in the sadness- there's no avoiding what happened, or even changing it. 

I fix a bowl of cereal and make Bandit his own breakfast- a colorful array, with bell peppers, a few blueberries, some celery, and cucumber slices. "Bandit," call as I walk into his room. "Bandit?" I call again. He usually comes running when he hears me.

"Bandit?" I call softly, kneeling down to look into his enclosure. I see his hut, his water bottle, his pellet dish, but no Bandit. 

"Buddy?" I say, my heart sinking into my stomach. I lift his hut with a shaking hand and gasp. He lies curled into a small ball, still. My throat tightens as I reach for him. I already know before I lift him into my chest.

He is too cold and his fur is too soft. I hold him close as if I can breathe life back into him. My sweet boy, my only sense of normalcy, my only family. Gone. The stupid sense of loneliness I felt last night feels like nothing compared to this now.

I can't help but sob. He's never looked smaller than he has now- not even when I adopted him, as a young baby. If I put him back into his hut and go back to sleep, maybe when I wake up, he will too.

I don't know how long I sat with him in my hold, basking in the weight of everything. Everything I've lost. My job, my sense of purpose, a piece of my own heart. 

I can't stay here. Not like this. There's nothing here for me- in this apartment or this city. I don't know where I'm going to go or what I'm going to do, but I have to leave.

"Girl, just come move in with me," Shayla says over the phone, her voice laced with exasperation. I roll my eyes, putting the piles of folded clothes into the box. "Shayla, I just told you I don't have a job. I can't pay rent or contribute to bills."

"I literally don't care. C'mon. Babe, I have more than enough money to cover you until you do find a job. I might even be able to help you find one." I rip a piece of tape off the roll. "I don't know, it feels wrong. I don't wanna mooch. I'll just go back to Chandler, I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind..."

"Lua, you haven't spoken to your parents in years. I know you don't want to go back. Look, I'll buy your ticket. Cincy is great and I might be able to get you a job for the Bengals. What's your degree in, again?"

I purse my lips together. "Elementary education."

"Oh," she says shortly. "Well, maybe I can get you in contact with the cheer team!"

I sigh, putting the packaging tape down on my bed. "I don't know, Shay. I just feel so lost."

She stays silent for a second before responding with, "Well, call an Uber and head to the airport. Mama just bought you a one-way ticket to Ohio!"