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It’s strange how happy I’ve felt recently. It’s the peace of solitude and just the new sense of freedom, knowing Dad and Ivan are off in Moscow. It’s been a whole month now since they left. Even though South Korea is six hours ahead, Ivan still checks in on me, as if he's right around the corner instead of thousands of miles away. That’s Ivan for you. Sweet and protective, always looking out for his buttercup.
Taehyung.
He’s a paradox of sorts, but that’s what I love most about him. Outwardly, he’s soft and a bit grumpy, but underneath that innocent exterior, he hides a whole other world—dangerous, reckless, and mysterious. He was a underground racer, of all things. And somehow, that just makes me more drawn to him. A person with two sides, one soft and loving, the other fierce and intense.
It feels like something straight out of a novel. I know other girls would be cautious, but not me. I’ve seen through his masks, his vulnerabilities, and even his flaws, and I know one thing for sure: he’s the one for me.
If Dad and Ivan were here. Maybe it wouldn’t be all that different. They’re always so busy—Dad buried in his work and Ivan pulled in a thousand directions. It’s almost like they live in their own worlds, orbiting around me but never fully stopping to see me. I’ve learned to live around their absence, to grow into my own space.
Even when Dad’s around, he’s always distant, there’s a wall around him that I can’t break through. Ivan, on the other hand, he checks in on me when he can, even though . I’m grateful for those moments, the times when he remembers I’m here, like a quick glimpse into what it might feel like to have a close-knit family. But then he’s gone again, and I’m back to being by myself. I don’t resent him for it; I know he’s doing his best.
It’s strange to think that I’ve adapted to their absence, that I’ve found ways to fill the emptiness they leave behind. I’ve found my own freedom in it, a kind of independence that I don’t think I’d have if they were around more often. But that freedom comes with a price. I’ve learned to stand alone, to make my own choices, even when I’m not entirely sure if they’re the right ones.
I want to explore the world on my own terms, to be with Taehyung without anyone telling me he’s too dangerous or that I’m making a mistake. It’s a strange blessing, having this space to myself, even if it comes from their absence. I get to make my own choices, and Taehyung is one of them—the best one I’ve ever made.
Taehyung and I are a world apart from my family. With him, there’s no judgment, no distance, just honesty. He sees me as I am, without the need for me to be someone else. I think that’s why I’m drawn to him. He’s the opposite of the life I have at home. With him, there’s nothing holding me back, nothing keeping me locked in place.
They’d keep me boxed in, protected, but at a cost. They’d never understand that I need this freedom, In the name of protection, they never noticed that their Ivy lost her childhood, her teenage years. My life was carefully monitored, every step calculated, every decision approved.
