The Shadow Of A Trainee | Bang Chan ✔️

Chapter 24.

Chan's P.O.V

Jealousy twisted in my gut, sharp and unrelenting. I hadn't meant to snap at Mirae in front of Hyungwon, hadn't meant to treat her so coldly or bark orders at her. But the words left my mouth before I could stop them, driven by something I couldn't control. Now, I couldn't shake the look on her face—a flash of hurt that she'd tried to cover with a quick nod. She didn't deserve that, especially not from me.

I wanted to hit myself for being so reckless. Mirae was only doing her job, and here I was, letting my own emotions get in the way. But what else could I do? I couldn't bring myself to watch her with him. Every laugh, every glance they shared—it all set me on edge in a way I didn't know how to handle. And now, I was left to sit here, drowning in my regret and frustration.

When we finally got back to the dorms, the members scattered to shower, and Mirae went off to collect our sweaty clothes for laundry, like she always did. I could hear her voice drifting through the hallway as she moved from room to room, chatting with the guys. They were teasing her, laughing with her, trying to lighten her mood. Meanwhile, I sat alone in my room, unable to bring myself to join in.

I was still sitting there, staring at the floor, when the door opened softly. I looked up, half-expecting to see Mirae, but it was Felix. His face was filled with concern as he walked in and knelt down in front of me, taking both my hands in his like he was grounding me.

"What's going on with you, Channie hyung?" he asked, his voice gentle but firm. "You're not like this. You've always been there for all of us, especially for me. I'm your little brother, remember? I can see you're struggling, but you won't talk about it... Why?"

I could feel my throat tighten, the words lodged somewhere between my heart and my mouth. My vision blurred as the tears I'd been holding back all day finally broke free.

Felix's hands squeezed mine. "There's something else going on, isn't there? I think it has something to do with Mirae."

The moment he said her name, I felt the tears spill over completely. Felix's hands moved to my face, brushing away the tears with such gentle care that it undid me.

"It's okay, hyung," he murmured. "Just let it out."

I took a shaky breath, trying to find the words buried under the layers of fear and confusion. "I... I can't keep doing this, Felix. I just can't."

Felix nodded, his face soft with understanding. "Then don't. Tell me what's really going on."

I swallowed, feeling my chest tighten. "I... I think I'm in love with her."

Felix's eyes widened, surprise and something like disbelief flickering across his face. "What?"

I nodded, the words tumbling out now that I'd finally said them aloud. "I don't know how it happened. I don't even know when it happened... but it did. And now... now I'm trapped."

The memories flooded back, moments that had somehow slipped past my defenses, each one pulling me deeper before I'd even realized it.

"You remember when Mirae first joined us?" I started, a small, sad smile tugging at my lips. "I didn't think she'd stick around. I thought she'd leave, like all the others. But then... I saw her working so hard, so genuinely. And one day, I decided to give her a chance, to let her prove she was different. When I told her that, she just... smiled. Like she was ready to take on the whole world. That smile—it caught me off guard."

Felix's eyes softened, urging me to keep going.

"There was this one time... we were sitting outside, and it was cold. She offered me tea. We didn't say much, just sat there. And when it was time to go back, I held out my hand to help her up, and she took it. It sounds silly, but something... shifted. Every smile, every laugh she shared with the others—it felt like warmth, like she was lighting up everything around her."

I ran a hand through my hair, laughing bitterly. "Then there was the time in the recording room. I was all serious, focused, and then out of nowhere, she started teasing me. It threw me off, but at the same time, I loved it. I couldn't stop thinking about her after that. And then... there was the day she accidentally walked into my room. I'd just gotten out of the shower, and I was only wearing a towel." I felt my cheeks flush at the memory. "She tripped, and I caught her. Our faces were so close... for a second, I thought..."

My voice trailed off, my heart pounding. "It's all these little moments, Felix. All these things she does—her smile, her laugh, the way she talks to the members, even the way she leaves her hair down... It's all stuck in my head. I can't stop thinking about her. But I'm scared. Scared of what this means... so I end up pushing her away."

Felix's grip on my hands tightened, his eyes wet with unshed tears. He took a deep breath and gave me a wry smile. "You're doomed, mate."

I laughed, the sound shaky and broken, but it felt good to laugh, even if just for a second. But before either of us could say anything else, there was a soft knock at the door. I quickly turned my head away, not wanting anyone to see me like this.

Felix called out, "Come in."

The door opened, and there was Mirae, standing in the doorway with a laundry basket in her hands. She took one look at us, her eyes filling with worry.

"Were you both... crying?" she asked, her voice soft and tentative as she stepped closer.

I kept my head down, afraid she'd see the tears I hadn't managed to wipe away. "No," I muttered, my voice barely a whisper.

"Oh..." she replied, the disbelief clear in her voice.

She hesitated, looking between us, then walked over to the corner where my laundry lay. She glanced back at me one last time, a look of concern lingering in her eyes, and I could feel her worry like a weight in the air. But I couldn't bring myself to meet her gaze. Not now, not when I was already so exposed.

She gathered my clothes and paused before leaving, casting one last, lingering look over her shoulder. Then she was gone, closing the door quietly behind her.

The room felt emptier without her, and I let out a long, shaky breath, the weight of my confession settling over me. Felix placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, offering me a reassuring smile. It didn't make the pain go away, but somehow, I felt less alone.

But I knew one thing now, there was no going back. I'd crossed a line, even if only in my heart. And there was no way to undo what I felt.

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A/N:

This chapter is so full of emotions I did not know I can write. But, I did.

I hope you don't tear up after reading it though. <3