(Originally posted April 5, 2013)
Zara
Jeff was late as usual. He was so fucking bad that way. He never made it to any function on time. He called to explain that he had just closed a big deal on some expensive car and he would be there as soon as he could.
He brought me a bouquet of 24 roses. I forgave him.
Auntie She met us at the door. There were already about 20 people there.
I saw Zoey as soon as I walked in. She looked absolutely beautiful. I called out to her as soon as she looked my way.
She waved and smiled at me. She then excused herself from her friends and started walking toward me. As she neared, I could see her look change. Something was most definitely wrong.
"YOU BITCH."
She walked up to me screaming and slapped me in the face.
I was stunned. I could not even absorb what was happening.
"YOU ARE MY MOTHER? YOU THINK THAT WAS SOMETHING YOU COULD HAVE MENTIONED AT SOME POINT. THAT YOU WERE MY FUCKING MOTHER."
I felt sick. I looked around for someone, anyone. But there was no one. Not even Jeff. That self centred bitch had somehow vanished from my sight.
The room began to spin. I remember seeing a room full of faces staring at me and Zoey standing in front of me, yelling and swearing at me. I had no idea what was going on. I looked at Auntie She. She was already in tears.
Dylan and Peter walked to Zoey and took her arms. She broke free and stepped at me, punching me in the chest.
I started to fall. I felt someone grab me. It was Dylan. Jeff was still no where to be seen.
Zoey was still yelling, but now Auntie She was at her side as were several of her friends.
I was lost. I remember looking around. It seemed that everyone was mad at me and I had no idea why.
I looked back at Zoey.
"I HATE YOU. GET OUT. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE. I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN."
I could not believe that my little girl hayed me. I felt alone, lost.
I just wanted to die.
I remember whispering, "I'm so sorry."
Then the room went black.
When I came too again, it took a few minutes to get oriented. I was in Jeff's car.
I looked at him for answers. He just stared ahead.
We pulled up my driveway. He helped me to the door and inside. I sat on the couch, completely numb. My heart felt like a knife had pierced it and I couldn't breathe.
Jeff passed me a drink. I took a sip and he looked at me. All I remember was him saying, "You have a daughter?"
I just nodded. He got up and poured himself a drink. While he was at the bar I saw him looking at something on the bar. He walked toward me with a paper in his hand.
"What is this?"
I was blank. I looked at the paper.
It was a hard copy of an email from my doctor. It was confirmation of my appointment with a breast cancer specialist.
I couldn't speak. The breast cancer appointment was the last thing on my mind.
He finished his drink and dropped the paper on the coffee table.
"I can't handle all this shit."
He got up and left.
I watched him leave. It would be the last time I ever saw the asshole.
I remember sitting alone in the house, just staring at the wall. The whole scene with Zoey kept playing over and over in my mind.
I got to my feet and walked to the bar. I poured a generous sized straight scotch. I downed it and poured another one, as a chaser.
Suddenly I began to cry, uncontrollably. My whole body shook. I couldn't catch my breath.
I went to the phone. I found Nicki's number and pressed speed dial. I got her answering machine.
I suddenly remembered this was the day they were all gone out to celebrate the first anniversary of Jay's business. Jeff and I were supposed to join them later at the restaurant and even Zoey and Dylan were going to be there.
I dropped the phone. I kept thinking, 'I have to go'.
I had to go to Nicki. I needed my best friend.
I poured another stiff drink and tried to walk. The room began to spin. My whole body was in turmoil.
I remember screaming and screaming and screaming. I threw the glass at the wall and with my arm, I cleaned off the top of my bar in one swoop.
I remember hearing the smashing of glass.
I started screaming again, pounding the bar with my fists.
The room kept spinning. I closed my eyes to try and make it stop.
Then darkness again.
