So, in my fruitless attempt to stop myself from rapidly ceasing to exist in the world as we know it, I decided to pick up chicks who
are as mentally juvinile as I am. My name is totally not Greg and It's actually Thomas, thanks for asking which you definitely did
because I'm so badass and Alpha male with my twink body and pervert brain which will attract some girls probably.
This entire section is about ME and how cool I am because I'm Onision the most imfamou- I mean famous Youtuber of them all.
Look at my sexy emo vegan body and my sexual abuse of minors! And oh yes, you guessed it, I'm the protagonist.
Afterall, aren't most girls after balless soyboys these days anywhos? To that question, I grant you my magnificent answer as "YES".
So I will now begin the story and stop babling like a spoiled 6 year old and get into "amazing" story... so yeah.
Being a socially inept know-it-at school.
I awoke to see my alarm clock staring back at me making a horrific ghostly face with its hands. I began to contort my face into similar disturbing expression and giggled like a complete maniac. I sluggishly
walked over to get my bag to head off to the glorious Collegetti for Creepy Spaghetti, my High school but since the writer is an illiterate smooth brain, it's called a college.
Despite my white walls resembling a mental hospital and my posters of Monkeys screaming The Lion Sings Tonight song, I tried to goth myself up by wearing my colimbine shooter trench coat and styled my hair extra emo today, since this was the day I'd begin my reign of terror upon the femoids of my poor school. Perhaps these fake butterfly wings would help me intimidate my class, especially Jhonny Topples, the leader of the generic bully squad. He's quite the hunk, as the "school joke" because they are lame enough to have that, is that he can topple mountains with his rrrrrrrrrrippling bisceps.
Since every penised individual in goth teen fanfiction that may or may not be satire is very bisexual,
I am no exception and teen life is made 10x harder due to the fact I get an errection at every living being around me and even lamp posts.
My rad step dad Rocket Fist Rick shot a plate of bacon into my hands with his fist.
"Really dad?" I put his now detached hand back down onto the table and pried a fork and knife from out of his glove.
Rick screamed from the yard, "WHAT? I'M OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW BOY, CLEANING THE MESS YOU MADE,"
I remembered all of a sudden how I had accidently thrown a fabreeze bottle at my annoying caand it flew out of control, destroying
the gravity detector on our house. I quickly ran outside to see his reaction to the mess. Rick angerily sighed and said
"Now, Greg, since you destroyed the one thing keeping the earth's gravity intact, you must promise me not to
jump out any windows to go on your crazy teenaged adventures! You may not land on the ground this time. Did you see what you've done?!"
I sighed and promised I wouldn't jump out any windows for now on. Rick seemed to be satisfied with my answer for now.
Though, that releif didn't last long after he realized that I was tired and slouching which caused him to enter a fit of rage.
"BOY, YOU DON'T SLOUCH IN THIS HOUSE, YOU GOTTA STAND TALL LIKE A MAN!" and he stood so straight I could hear his spine nearly snap.
"Uh, Okay then..." I ran out afraid he'd break my back and turn me into a spineless floppy being like one of those things outside of a car dealership. Rick wished me good luck at school with a thumbs up from his non rocket hand.
After all that weirdness, I got onto the buss and sat next to my friend on the seat I'd become so familiar with.
It was covered in my own puddle of turd that nobody could ever clean off. They gave up eons ago and decided to just let me sit there
in my dirty crapped briefs. It was right next to Jeffy boy himself. Don't ask why he sat next to a serial shitter, but there he was.
He looked at me like he'd just seen a mental patient and was visibly embarassed to be sitting next to me.
That last statement should say something considering Jeff, is an emo 14 year old fish boy with no nose, carries a knife constantly, and has Don't Fear the Reaper CDs.
Jeff said in his old raspy british man voice, "You look like a 5 year old girl with those butterfly wings"
What a poser this boy is. He doesn't understand how cool and intimidating it is to pretend to be a small, girly flying woodland insect.
The bus was louder than normal since there were more aboard because that makes sense.
Over all of the talking, I overheard Jhonny Topples talking to Ben Drowned (which is totally his last name) about how the "emo posers"
were "taking over the school" and "stealing the damn attention away from REAL goths!" I was ready to scream, and shout, and let it all out.
Ben spoke before Jeff could and told him that it doesn't really matter how people dress and Jhonny seems very materialistic to care about.
Jhonny plopped back into his seat looking defeated that he can't judge other psycotic highschoolers olds anymore. I looked up confidinelty like the Alpha male I was. Upon seeing Abby, I immidetely lost all muscle control and shat myself.
Jeff visibly cringed at my every movement I made because he's a 14 year old who thinks everything ever is suuuper embarassing, though this time
his reactions were probably appropriate since I was dressed like a mental patient. Ben looked uninthusiastic and miserable
not in an emo deppression UwU kinda way, more like a grandpa on thanksgiving kind of way. Crossing his arms sitting away from The Toppler looking out the window into thin air.
I could sense his teenaged hormones were clearly making him act so lethardic. I'm gonna sound like a genericly narcisistic overspoiled teen (Because I am without a doubt)
but teens are sooooooooooooooooooooo weird am I right despite being a 14 year old myself writting this? Lame whatever totally #AmIright.
