The worker // FREENBECKY

56

FREEN POV

A whole month and I couldn't get in contact with Becky. Lingling and Orm wouldn't even tell me where she is and still she wasn't at her apartment because I kept asking Hani.

I let her slip from my hands and she's left her job and town now, I completely lost her and all I've done this month is avoid riley, I've seen her less than usual and I've just drank myself away, my shop is doing well and I don't feel an ounce of excitement.

I've taken the most random drugs with heng and Ten and even though I shouldn't it just felt good for the heart break to heal that kind of way.

Sometimes id sit on the side of the road and drink from the bottle in the middle of the night, it's been a hell of a month for me, probably the worst times of my life and I know it's going to be worse.

It's that kind of day where I just continuously think of her, I sit on the side of the road, smoke a joint as I go through my phone gallery, the day we baked the cake, the day she took riley out, I re read our old messages and realised I've lost another part of me, the stronger part of me.

Since she's entered my life I don't want to walk another step without her, this is just more than a love this is my healing, she healed me from all my monsters, she made me better, happier and I for once felt like I wasn't useless.

I know in my heart if a woman as amazing as Becky walks through the door and tells me we could build a family it won't even compare to Becky, I just know she belongs with me, nothing else has ever felt right.

Irin: Mommy it is riley. I'm so sorry for getting mad at you when will you come to see me. I have been a good girl

Freen: I'll come and see you soon princess, I promise you haven't done anything wrong, your the best thing that's ever happened to mommy

Irin: okay mommy I love you so much come and see me soon because I am missing you so so much

Freen: I miss you more my sweetheart, I'm coming soon

Irin: okay mommy I can't wait

I need to get my shit together, I really can't fucking be doing this to myself, I can't destroy myself but I have, I've been drinking all month, smoking random shit, it's so out of character for me but I'm so hurt everytime I remember what my life is and what it could have been. No one loves me and no one wants me to be happy and that's the fucking truth and all this time I've been sitting here wondering why no one loves me but the truth is I don't even love me.

"Hey mom" I call my mother whilst I'm sitting on the street sobbing

"Hey my baby how are you?" My mom asks me and then her voice rises to concern

"I know I'm way too old but I really need you" I sigh heavily

"Your father and I are booking the flight, I'm coming" she responds

I need my mom the most, I can afford to keep her safe here with me, i can afford a bigger house now.

I rent out a bigger house for the meantime to arrange my parents arrival it's nice to know that I'll have company and it will help me stop drinking and smoking, and to maybe get her out of my mind, I've missed them like fucking crazy.

Riley would be happy to actually meet them and not have to face time them all the time.

Lingling came by to my house in the morning and she helped me with sorting out the bigger house, hopefully I could buy this bigger house it has enough rooms for riley, mom and dad and I and my room is bigger for Becky as well if she comes back.

"So like is she okay? Just tell me that I know your not allowed to tell me anything but is she alright?" I ask lingling

"She's fine Freen" Lingling sighs I know she feels bad for me but I feel bad for myself as well.

"Just tell her I'm sorry and I miss her so much" I clench my jaw to control myself but lingling just nods

"Did she go on that date with JB?" I ask

Oh god that's gonna kill me if she did, what if he was the reason she decided to move from me? is she happier without me? is she finally gonna settle down?

Good for her, she deserves better than me. I hope she isn't as heart broken as I am, I don't wish that upon anyone and I certainly don't wish that upon the woman who has my heart.

"I don't know Freen" Lingling responds.