I yawned. The clock seemed like it was ticking backward at this point. The day had dragged on forever.
I looked down absentmindedly at my desk, the symbols and words carved into it, entertaining me for the time being.
The day was almost at an end, and all I had thought about all day was her. I hadn't spoken to her in almost 4 days. I hadn't seen her. It felt like it was driving me crazy.
The last time we spoke, it had been so awkward. I kept spinning it in my head, over and over again. I feel like I overstepped a line last time. I took our relationship too far, overstating what I really felt for her, deep down. It just slipped out. I couldn't help it.
"Last night, kyle and I got into this big argument. He was pacing around the room with his hands on his head. Talking about how he feels like the relationship is going nowhere"
When she said it, I felt my heart drop to my feet.
"Two years is so long to spend with someone and not be sure about it though, ma'am."
She nodded. Glancing down at her desk, she flicked a strand of hair behind her ear and looked back at me. Her classroom was empty, as it usually was. Just the two of us.
"Ahg, I know. I just don't know what he wants anymore." She sighed - "I don't even know what I want anymore. "
Before I could stop myself, the words slipped out of my mouth. The thoughts I'd been hiding for so long.
"You could want me,"
It was quiet. But loud enough for her to hear it. Her eyes shot up to mine, a look of shock, confusion, and what I thought looked like disgust.
I stammered over my words, trying to take it back, trying to make it sound like that wasn't what I meant.
"Ma'am - that's not, I don't know why -"
She stopped me. She placed her hands on her desk and waited a second before replying. I couldn't imagine what she was thinking at that moment.
"Go back to class. The bell is going to ring soon. You can't be late again, "
I bit my lip, hating myself for being so careless. What if i ruined it?
I was brought back to the classroom by the lesson bell going. It had snapped me out of my daydreaming and brought me back to today. Today, where things are still ruined, it's still my fault.
I shouldered my bag, my eyes low to the ground. Everything was just a low buzz of noise around me. Nothing stood out. It was just a grey conglomeration of voices.
I had my hand on the door, ready to leave. I just wanted this day to be over. I didn't want to be here anymore. I hated being here when I couldn't talk to her.
I was about to step out when I felt a hand tug my bag. It startled me. I gasped and turned around.
Brown eyes met my gaze. A pit formed in my stomach. My mouth went dry, and I couldn't manage to form a single word for her.
"We should talk. Before you leave, " She said. There was an urgency in her eyes. I didn't quite know how to place it.
I didn't speak, I couldn't. I just nodded. My hand lingered on the door as I turned to follow her upstairs to her classroom. Students were still milling around, going home and to extra murals. It was nowhere near quiet.
She was walking in front of me, and I could smell her perfume as the air moved around her. I had memorized every part of the scent. Sometimes, I convinced myself I could smell her even when she wasn't there.
I watched her hair move as she walked up the stairs. There was something about the sway I couldn't take my eyes off.
The halls may have been busy, but her classroom was quiet. It got even more quiet when she closed the door behind me.
I swallowed dryly. My mind was racing and getting ahead of itself. A thousand scenarios flashed through my head.
She sat on the end of her desk, facing me. Her shoes just touched the floor below her. She crossed her legs, one over the other, her skirt folding effortlessly as she did it.
"Ma'am, I'm so sorry -" I started, bursting into the regret that had been overwhelming me the past 4 days.
She cut me off, raising her manicured hand in the air.
"Stop. It's okay. "
My eyebrows creased, "But..."
I wanted to tell her I was sorry. That I wished I had never said that. That I missed her.
"Come stand here," She said. She placed her hands on either side of her on the desk. Her voice was softer than usual, lower too. I blinked before stepping closer. My feet felt like cinder blocks beneath me, taking an eternity to reach her.
"I've been thinking about what you said,"
I felt like I was dreaming. I took a step closer without even realizing it. I was close to her now, closer than I had ever been. I bit the insides of my cheeks, trying not to get ahead of myself again and say something stupid.
"About how I deserve better," She continued.
I saw her swallow. Was she...nervous?
"About-" She stopped herself. She was struggling to get the words out. Maybe she couldn't
"About what?" I breathed. My heart was pounding against my chest now. My delusions aside, there was something in the air so thick it was almost tangible.
Her tongue flicked across her bottom lip before she spoke again. Her eyes were low, and a strand of dark hair fell across her face.
"About how you think about me," She finally said, her voice so low I almost couldn't hear her. My stomach tensed, and I became so still, like I was scared to scare her away and have this moment fade into nothing.
A small breath escaped me. This couldn't be real. She was so beautiful. She was so unreachingly stunning. And she was alone with me. All I could do was stare back at her, my eyes searching her face for any clue of what she might say next.
"About how I think about you," the words slipped out of her mouth in a whisper, she couldnt meet my eyes. She was ashamed, I could tell.
I finally spoke up, "What do you think about?" I asked. My words echoing in the small space between us.
I could feel my pulse racing through my body. It reached up my spine and into my face, turning me a deep shade. I wondered if she felt it too.
Her face inched toward mine. It was an infinitesimal movement. But I noticed it. Her looked at me, her lips parted ever so slightly.
"You know, if someone walks in right now," I said quietly, a small smile curling around the corners of my mouth. I bit my bottom lip, looking at hers.
"They've all left" She breathed. Before the words were even fully complete, she moved toward me.
Her lips connected with mine, and my eyes flew shut, screwed tightly in case I was making this all up. She kissed me. It was short and tame, but it was enough.
We broke apart. I was breathing heavily. I could see her chest heaving up and down, too. I had to look away from her. I couldn't keep my eyes on her for too long. I wasn't sure if I could hold it together
A short and dry laugh escaped my mouth, partly because I felt ridiculous.
I leaned in again
"What about kyle?" I asked, my words muffling against her mouth.
I felt her smile, just the corner lifted.
"Two can keep a secret"
