Venting Book

stupid gender dysphoria. and stupid parents.

I was born to be a son, and forced to be a daughter. I hate this so fucking much, why can't anybody just fucking accept me. It's not that hard. I already fucking hate myself. You hating me isn't solving shit

"Oh. If you don't tell me what's wrong I can't fix it!" I CANT FUCKING TELL YOU, YOU TRANSPHOBE. YOU LITTERALLY SAID TO MY FACE THAT BEING TRANS WAS WRONG AND DISGUSTING. MOTHER WHY, WHY CANT YOU JUST ACCEPT ME. I will never tell you, because if I tell you, mom, then you will fucking hate my goddamn guts.

I hate this. I hate this so much. I just want to be a boy. I just want to be happy. I just want to be a child again aswell, to be a little kid would be everything for me, to be carefree. Not knowing things I shouldn't know, hanging out with friends, not needing to be worrying about being picked on for bad reasons, playing tags. Drawing stupid ugly drawings. I wish to go back to that, and it's sad. It disgusts me that my life is so bad to the point where I want to go back to being a child again.

Can someone tell me that it's not just me that wants to do that? I really don't understand why I want to do that, but it's most likely because of my fear of death.

What am I talking about, I shouldn't be scared of death, I'm only a teenager, I shouldn't stress about things like that, right? Wrong. I hate people who say that instead of actually helping me and calming me down. I hate the fact that I have a mental breakdown every night before I go to sleep. I hate the fact that I keep a pair of scissors next to my bed. I hate the fact that my thighs are littered with scars now because of the stress, and because I cant tell anybody

All of this because I hate myself, and my body. Wow. If I was a boy then none of this wouldve happened. If my parents stopped arguing this wouldn't have happened.

Uhg. I hate this so much.

Why won't the scissors Just cut deeper