You called me the other day-and for once, I felt excited to answer it. Because I know that you will have some more rocks to add to my wheelbarrow. You told me that you began to talk to some new guy and you're going to be going on a date on Friday. You said that you already love him, and already call him "your man" or "my handsome man" regardless of the fact that the both of you had only been speaking for two weeks. I've known you for 4 years, and I have treated you better than any "friend" should. Better than all of your past obsessions, but it will never be enough. I will never be enough. You never wanted me. You wanted my ears and my empathy. Yet I still feel such a deep longing for you. I mourn and cry for something that I haven't experienced, something lost to this bittersweet foreverness that I bathe in- only to feel you close to me. To feel that care I crave so desperately. something that would never be possible no matter how many universes there are where you and I know each other. We are not the same. I spend time with you to hear your laughter, your cries, your voice. To be with you, whether or not it's romantically. You only spend time with me because you know that I want to hear you speak. Because you know that i am absolutely willing to be the person to carry your baggage up until your last destination where you will descend into the abyss that we can only pray to the lord above- will hold some form of an after life. Some peace. And I can only pray to the lord that I will behold it.
