Tears are made of Water not Vodka

Nov 5 2024 7:05 pm

i remember everything play for the 4th time as i sit there wondering what happend it still plays as i sit here and write this, haunt yuo by lil peep goes through my head as i talk to him about why hes leaving, im gonna snap hes says and i say i understand he cant fucking do this he repeats for the 12th time in the conversation "its her fault not mine" i stare at him with tears streaming down my facei pause my writing to here my moms voice stutter to my little sister thryign to hold whatever she feels in asking her if shes knows where bubba went there playing hide and seek like nothing happened i start the song over its is now the 6th time ive listened to it today the dog stares at the door blankly whimperign as he wants to check on his mom i hear a truck pull out of the driveway hes leaving, my uncle takes him so does my aunt shes driving we are still talking just merely ten minutes agoi ask him why she walks all over me he says he walks all over her too he repeats it for the 13th time now i cant do this i tyr to say everything is two sided a war was never fough on one side he cuts me off im not wrong she is, how can you tell me im wrong he states i shake my head the tears have stopped now im not sad im angry , im hurt he cant leave me again he promised eh would change and hes going down hill again he went three yrs without drinking and now he decide too? Yes there was time in between but tear are made of water not vodka he cant just let the release of his tear be dripping down his throat they should be going down his face not out his mind i can tell his switch is already flipping but slowly this time you can see it inhis eyesevery time its in his eyes there not sad or angry ther blank their confused there hateful nothing more nothing less ill call your mom plays as i stare in the mirror wondering if id ever let myself have a relationship like theirs befor ethos i get a raging migraine i dont do headaches or migraines unless something is about to happen its weird and i dont think of it till somethings happening why cant things be normal why cant their be a constant thing i my life besides my mom i stare in the mirror nothing but pain fills my eyes no one sees it its just like movie cosmetics you can make anything look different i just have to smile and its all gone mascara running down my face just looks like i rubbed my eyes to hard rosy cheeks look like i was laughing my sniffle is just allergies nothing is traceable my laugh is so practiced that i use it to much people never know a simple i was just kidding or im fine i just got embarrassed solves everything nobody knows nobody sees the little girl who became a shield instead of a teen a girl who notices something small becoming big and goes and turns music on for the kids in the house there not even her siblings send them upstairs and acts like nothing but its is something is not a 15 yr olds job