my Unhealthy Obsession Through Limerence

the interdiction my true story.

Limerence- Limerence is a state of intense longing and infatuation for another person.. Limerence is not the same thing as love.. so, Tarnish, that idea... from your mind

Hi, my name is Matthew White
This is how my Limerence stopped me from growing as a person
You could say that this woman almost ruined my life

I'd imagine her in my lucid dreams, dreaming of what I want us to be , stuck trying to tell the
difference between reality and a dream,
I'd dream of her and awaken thinking if
that moment happened, trapped
between the borders of two realities,
force to suffer from it; sometimes, I could tell
the difference between the two I'd look up in sorrow filled with despair,
yearning wishing that moment
happened Trapped in my delusions
yearning to be yours and to be in your arms

So lately, I've been losing sleep, trying to stop myself from thinking about her,

I asked myself over and over again

Why do we love the
things that hurt us?

I hold on to you. But in
return, I get hurt, it's my
choice to hang onto
you, you might be
broken, but it is still
room to heal. I hug you
tightly and pull you
close, but you're
hurting me as if there's
a pain in my chest, you
stab and stab at my
chest, but I won't leave you.
You're
hurting me, but I still
feel as if I need to stay
am I a fool to think
You'll be right for me?.
they say "love kills",
And i love you, and it's
killing me... I don't hate
you, but it's getting
harder and harder to
love.. You. Leo
Christopher once said.
"There are plenty of
ways to die, but only
love can kill.. and keep
You, alive to feel it..

I did nothing but write and write about her the more i wrote the more
She took over my mind, and everything she did i was addicted to,
Her body her face her lips, I'd imagine her being loved by me and all the things i would do, I'd imagine that in her, I knew how bad she was for me but I did nothing to help myself, it got to the point where
I found all her social media,
And the more and more I went on
Like this, the more I'd realized
How much she meant to me and how little she cared for me, and when I thought that it'll just bring me to tears, then one day I texted her and told her who I was and we started to become friends and in that
Moment, I felt so happy, and the more and more that went on, I decided to tell her how I felt...
A paragraph That was long and
Beautiful, but that didn't meter
She said I only liked me as a friend
she didn't wanna be friends anymore, and that's the day i cried and cried the only thing that broke me. Mentally, killing me slowly, I started to cry myself to sleep, but to no avail, I'd look at the wall eyes opened, picturing her next to me as I cried.