The Diary of Me.

Sudden Thought.

Maeve sat on the floor in the corner of her room opening her book, it was more of a diary perhaps though she never called it that because it seemed childish. She didn't want to seem like a child to others no. She wanted to seem like she could handle herself in a tough situation, where is she was in trouble she could get out on her own, no help needed from others. She didn't like getting help, she often sometimes liked being in trouble. Even if her friends would say she only said that for attention, though it was true.

She enjoyed it.

Maeve's room had dark red black out curtains that kept the unwanted light out, the dark made her happy even if her mother nagged her about it. And how she needed to get some sun but, the paleness of her skin fit the dark black color of her hair, and blue eyes. Adding just a bit of a ghostliness to her. That was a good thing she often thought to herself. The more intimidating she looked the less people would take her as a joke, or would see her as less childish than she was. Even though her face structure didn't fit, and she was quite short only reaching 5,2. And her face made her look like an overgrown toddler, with chubby cheeks she never grew out of. She wanted to look different.

As she continued to sit on the floor the foot of her bed was in front of her, as her room was decently small, leaving just enough room for her to sit in a corner and be almost squashed by the compacted room. The light from her bedroom door lighting up her room ever so slightly, as she wasn't allowed to close the door. She wasn't ever allowed to do anything. She didn't have a phone like all other 15 year old girls her age, and was often left in the dark with knowing little to nothing of trending things, making her feel like she was a loser when she went to school. Or at least, when she went to school. Maeve was homeschooled now. Her seventh year being friendless, alone, isolated, oblivious, and held back. So what if she was in her 2nd year of Highschool, she would move out soon, she was exited for that day to come. So excited in fact, she kept track of the days in this very diary she held in her hand.

The inside binding of her diary was torn, and the outside was dark brown like how you would imagine a 1700's book to look like. She pushed the tip of her pencil against the paper, she wanted to write... But didn't know how. Bringing her knees to her chest more, looking down at her paper, as she rested her chin on her knee. She heard the foots steps of one of her family members. She quickly remembered why she hated foots steps, maybe not foot steps themselves... but what followed. Her stomach churned a bit, and her face heated up she wasn't doing anything she wasn't supposed to but then again... she was always made to feel like she was in the wrong, even though she knew she didn't do anything.

It was like a contradicting mindset, though not a mindset. It was hard for her to explain, or even understand herself but she could understand the basics of what she meant, even if she couldn't explain it to others. Another thing she struggled with was understanding how she felt, it sounded funny. But that was something she rather have not talked about. 

Looking up to see who the sound of the foot steps belonged to, she sat still as her mother walked by... her breath caught in her throat hoping she wouldn't walk in, as she only walked by. Though Maeve quickly moved to her closet throwing her diary under some clothes, and pretending to clean her room in case her mother walked past. Slowly organizing the 3 miss-match pillows on her bed, and flattening the blanket. It wasn't a very big bed, only a twin size since she never understood getting a bigger bed for someone who supposedly wasn't going to grow anymore. She could then hear the faint sound of the neighborhood children outside, riding their bikes, laughing, running... She slowly pulled the curtains back, peeking out the blinds. It made her so angry seeing them so happy...

Happy little smiles...

Happy little laughs...

Happy perfect little life's...

And not a care in the world did they have, this made Maeve clinch her teeth together as she could hear the tension in her ears from just how hard she was biting down. Her hands clenching, and fists turning white. Oh the wonders she wishes she could do without the consequences... She wasn't jealous, as most people would think that is that had witnessed what just happened. No, that wasn't jealousy but a build up of rage... The pain those kids had costed her a while back... The time she wasted thinking things would have gone perfect. She was sweating just by the mere corrupted thoughts that flooded her head, she knew it was wrong to think like this... But in the end, if no one knew... how wrong could it possibly be?

" 𝙸 𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛
𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚏𝚊𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚍
𝚝𝚘 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚖𝚎." |