How to become a legend

$tep:1 leave a legacy

How can one become a legend ?

Few people in history
consciously attempt to become legendary, due to the
unfortunate consequences which seem to come with
the effort. Only a tiny handful of those who shoot for
undying fame succeed.

Often eternal glory is the
product of accident, but as we cannot rely on accident
to enter our lives and propel us to legendary status, we
must often resort to the traditional method -
constructing our own legends. There are three basic
elemental steps, which are outlined below.

This may be the hardest of the four steps, so begin
right away. There are numerous ways to go about
leaving a legacy, some more effective than others. For
example, if you manage to become the last human
being on earth, you will automatically be legend , but
this is unfortunately an infinitely improbable scenario.
Seek your eternal glory in other fields.
There are two basic roads to lasting fame: either
drastically improve the lives of millions of people, or kill
them. Though many prefer the first route, results are
hazy; you may save lives with medical cures, but the
people you rescue sure as hell won't remember your
name. For example, mentioning "Fleming" and "Pasteur "
to the public today elicits undesirable responses
(respectively "Didn't he write James Bond ?" and "That's
the milk guy!"). Hell, Fleming doesn't even have an
Uncyclopedia entry. What kind of puny man was he?
Many historical figures have chosen military success as
a path to legend, with varying results. If you want Colin
Farrell to star in a movie about you , study at an early
age with the greatest philosopher of your time before
taking over your father's kingdom and conquering the
known world, naming as many cities after yourself as
you can (preferably at least three dozen) before you die
young. For optimal results on the military path, become
a ruthless bad-ass. It is advisable that you miscultivate
your facial hair to give it a fierce look (especially if you
are female) and build pyramids out of your victims'
skulls. But really, your goal is to get into history classes
of the future and be the correct answer to a multiple
choice question for centuries to come (unless you are a
prodigy and, within years, are writing the questions for
the entire global population!), so any sort of lasting
legacy will do.
That's because an altogether more important goal of
any budding legend is Step 2.