Forever Yours

Chapter Twenty Five

Connor 

They took everything. Even my shoe laces.

Ethan drove the four hours to drop me off at the Southeast Inn. It sounds like it would be a hotel, but it's like a psych ward. Ethan says to stop calling it that.

"You can't have visitors until you earn them. You have to show that you are being healthy and moving in the program. You get phone calls whenever you want, but the phone is at the nurses station. You will be taken to a 72 hour hold, where you can't make phone calls though. If you do well then you'll be moved into a room to finish out your program." One of the nurses that work here, Emma, tells us. She gave us a tour, and now they're waiting to take me for intake.

"I'll let you guys say goodbye" Emma smiles, and heads back to the nurses station.

My eyes are already stinging, and I have to swallow down the cry that wants to leave my throat. I said goodbye to Sarah before we left and my heart shattered.

"Baby" Ethan's soft voice makes my heart shatter even more. I don't want to leave him. I don't want to leave those poor babies either.

"Hi," I whisper, stepping closer to him. Ethan wraps his arms around my body, and holds me close to him. I bury my face in his neck, and I feel the tears spill out.

I feel like I'm putting him through so much. So much that we'll never get to heal. That we'll never have a happy ending.

My thoughts are taking a deeper, darker turn and when we pull away I'm full on sobbing. Ethan murmurs soft words, but then darkness takes over.

—

I've been here for a week.

The last 6 days i was on suicide watch, because apperantly i blacked out. After upping my meds, and having a week to think, I've finally been moved out into my own private room. I can't imagine how much Ethan and his family are paying for me to be here.

"Hey" a girl says, drawing my attention. I glance up from coloring. We're doing an activity right now, coloring or reading or whatever. It's an activity hour, and I guess on Fridays it's like a free day activity.

I don't know. I'm still learning.

"I'm Sal. This is Devin" she nods to a guy about my age. He's a bit bigger than me, maybe more so Ethan's build, but I can't tell how he is sitting down. Sal is my age too, with blonde hair and blue eyes.

Devin has black hair, and dark eyes. He also has a tattoo sleeve and some holes on his face from where his piercing would be.

"Hi. I'm Connor "I murmur, my eyes settling on Sal.

She opens up a coloring book, and grabs a container of markers and starts getting to work. Devin does the same, keeping quiet.

"I've been here for a month," Sal murmurs.

"I've been here 6" Devin says his first words to me. "I'll be here another 6 though" his words aren't sad.

"He's in love with his Psychiatrist" Sal nudges Devin, who shrugs.

"Dr. Cuhn is absolutely gorgeous" Devin defends, coloring calmly.

"You're staying so you can see your doctor more?"

"Oh. No, I'm staying because I'm not mentally stable or ready to get back out there. I'm just staying in this facility because i want to keep my doctor"

"Shouldn't you not mix relationships with therapy?"

"You can try, but it won't work. He's stubborn." Sal says, smiling small. "What's your story, new kid?"

This makes me go quiet. I know all of my issues, but I don't want to face them. Not right now anyways.

"I'm here because I tried to kill myself. I was going through it. My boyfriend cheated, and my friends all went against me. I felt alone, so my rich parents shipped me off instead of being there for me" Sal gives a wide grin, but I can see the sadness behind it.

"My dad molested and beat me and my mom sat and watched" I blurted, the words wrapping around me, tightening its grip until i can't breathe. "It made me snap, so I have blackouts. I'm full blown crazy now "I admit the words, tears stinging behind my eyes.

"Welcome to the club" Devin says, and it actually makes me laugh. I wipe my eyes and let out a shaky breath. "Hard truths, but it's still our truths. Don't put labels on yourself. Just because you aren't like them doesn't mean your crazy"

"Says the crazy one" Sal sings, and Devin actually smiles a tad.

—

Week two and three are easier, but mentally taxing. I can't talk to Ethan much, and I feel on edge. My wolf is super detached right now, and I don't know what to do about that either. I'm laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling.

I'm pretty sedated lately. I'm on high antidepressants and mood suppressants. I started seeing Dr. Cuhn today. Devins man crush. From what I've heard Dr. Cuhn seems pretty interested in Dev too.

I did see Dr. Cuhn gives Devin a box of little Debbie cosmic brownies. So, there's that.

Emma comes to my doorway, and ushers me out. She takes me to breakfast, where I eat with Devin and Sal. Sal bitches about her rich daddy, and Devin groans about missing his boyfriend.

Then Emma takes me to meet Dr. Cuhn. I sat down in the chair after shaking his hand. "Hello Connor. How are you?"

Dr. Cuhn is slightly taller than me, but not as tall as Ethan or Devin. He's also very slender, with pale skin and pale blue eyes. He's very pretty to look at. I definitely see the appeal. But then my brain pulls me somewhere else.

"This is our first meeting. Tell me what's brought you here?" He is genuinely asking, and he sits in a chair across from me. He doesn't have a laptop or a notebook. He's wearing slacks and a button up, but he's not overly dressed.

"I'm uh experiences some sort of black outs"

"Black outs? What does that mean for you?"

"I am having psychogenic black outs. I'm struggling with psychosis and PTSD"

"Those are all serious things. What could have caused all that?"

"Likely my childhood. I was molested and abused" i say a little more sturdy than i did a couple weeks ago.

"How do you know that?"

"I-" i let out a shaky breath "I have flashbacks sometimes, and i can remember. But then I had a black out and.. Things aren't as clear. I know all this because the people around me helping me are telling me"

"So these aren't active memories you have?"

"No" I shake my head, and rub my hands up and down my thighs.

"So you're here, not really understanding why you're here" Dr. Cuhn chews on his lip, then nods. "That has to be terrifying. You're thrown into a place forever away from your husband and kids and you don't even get why you're here. That's scary"

"It's more confusing than anything. But i want to get better for my ma- my husband. I want our kids to have a healthy stable dad"

"How do you see yourself becoming this healthy stable dad?"

"By overcoming my past. But figuring out what actually did happen to me, even if it is brutal. By accepting my past for what it was"

"Do you think you're strong enough to do that?"

"Not yet, and not on my own. I think with time and help i can be"

"I think you are on the right path" Dr. Cuhn stands and heads to the door, opening it up. "I got what I needed today Connor. I am excited to work with you. You have a good day, okay?" He gives me this smile that's kind of sexy. 

.....

I can't wait to see more of Ethan's side, and what he's gonna do with the pack while he's gone. 

I hope we get to see more of Remi too. Maybe in his own book??

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