How long have I been walking around here? My gaze wanders over the burnt landscape, there is soot and dust hanging in the air. The stench of sulfur and blood has eaten into my nasal mucosa, my eyes are red from the whole rubbing and swollen from crying. The tree stump that has stunted to charcoal that I stand in front of is the one I actually left behind a few minutes ago. Actually.
I claw my fingers into the blood-soaked side with a groan. I want to scream, but the only thing I can do through the black dust in my lungs is cough. My lips and neck are dried up by the heat, the fire. The sparks dance through the gray clouds of smoke that relentlessly darken the sun. The smell of burning meat mixes with it, but I hardly feel the pain. The leaking, holey boots have already incorporated themselves into the glowing coals anyway. I raise my right arm trembling to look more closely. The soot has embedded itself on my skin and in my shirt, I can't even see what color my skin really has anymore. So I stand there between the sparks in front of the well-known tree stump and stare at my hand. My head feels empty. Why am I even here?
I cough tinny and spit a load of blood into the burned earth. Not a good sign. I stumble a few steps around my own axis and look around. Nothing but burnt-out forest, gray fog and black clouds. The only thing you can hear is my own trembling breath. The force completely leaves my calves and I fall backwards into the ashes, to the tree stump. The glowing coals and ashes burn holes in my pants and shirt, but I suppress the pain and lean back against the black wood. A sigh comes over my withered lips and I close my eyes, the white ash flakes hang like snow in my eyelashes. The darkness that my closed eyelids give is soothing, as if I could cool the burning feeling in theirs. However, this wish remains only one wish.
That's how I sit there. Heavy breathing, coughing and silently bleeding.
I rub my eyes with two fingers. The dirt on my fingers only makes them burn even more, but I don't care. My gaze is directed to the sky in the black clouds. The omnipresent rings around my eyes are only more emphasized by the sooty crust that has formed on my skin. My mouth opens to a silent scream. I want to curse. I want to cry. I want to let it out.
But nothing is coming.
Nothing. There is nothing there.
It's probably the best after all. Because those who want to hear it have better things to do than save someone like me. I don't deserve a rescue anyway. After all, everything that is saved has a value. For society, the value of a single person is too low to raise the resources for a rescue. A person who knows neither how life works, nor what it has in store for him. A person who lives broken for the happiness of his parents and has long forgotten to love. But not quite.
I breathe in and out tremblingly. The clouds in the sky are starting to clear up.
And I can see the stars...
I blink.
For a second I can see a light, blue and white veil flashing across the sky. A shooting star...
A fleeting smile forms on my brittle lips.
"Quick, make a wish." my grandma would have said to me now. I close my eyes.
I wish to go out with you and look into the starry sky. To take you in my arms as tightly as possible. To give you warmth and protection until the sun turns the horizon red again.
To just see you one time again before my time has come.
