Temptation.
Noun
The desire to perform an action that one may enjoy immediately or in the short term but will probably later regret. In the context of some religions, temptation is the inclination to sin.
Temptation.
Something he surely wasn't used to facing. He had never faced in his life. He had never struggled with temptation. Maybe because he still had to meet her. He still had to meet you.
Temptation.
Humans faced temptation every day of their lives. Whether they were really young or really old.
Temptation was something no human being could avoid. It was a part of their lives. It was, is and will always be a part of their entire lives till the ending of days.
No human can avoid temptation, no matter how much they want to.
Temptation.
Surely they can fight it if they want to. Some do. Some others just give up at some point and simply give in.
Some could say and pretend that they fought it and that they won. Sure, maybe they did. But it was just a battle. The war just goes on, because so does life. Whether it will be in an hour, tomorrow, after a couple days, even after a couple years they will face temptation again. And they will have to fight again.
If they want to, that is.
Because it is a never ending battle and everybody knows it deep down.
And people have to keep going. To live with it. Fight it if they believe there is a need to, even.
Temptation.
People face all kinds of temptation in their lives. Some decide to fight back because they believe that that is the right thing to do. Others don't, because they find no use in it.
Temptation.
It variates from person to person. Some fight some not.
But he always did.
Michael always fought temptation. Because he was a good son and that's what his father had taught him to.
Yeah, maybe not exactly to that extent but Michael was always someone to take things a little bit too seriously. Things that had to do with what was considered right, that is. And above all, things that he thought his father considered right.
It was true that his father did not exaggerate about things like Michael did but Michael only wanted to make him proud, to be a good son and to do what his father thought was right. Because if his father thought it was right then that was the case and Michael would not take a different answer to that.
Yeah, maybe he exaggerated things. But that's how Michael has always been. Ever since he was a kid.
Doing what he thought was right and fighting against the wrong. Against sinning. And against temptation. At least according to him, that's what it was.
He really had not problem with that, though. Michael always found it easy to fight temptation, even when he grew up. So the right thing for him to do was become a priest when the right time came. He knew he wanted it ever since he was young, even if his father kept telling him to think about it again.
It did confuse Michael, he was not going to deny it. He thought that his father would be proud of him to become a priest. An angel on Earth, he had heard someone call it. But then again his father had done more things that confused Michael before. Like when his younger sibling, Castiel, came out to him and told him he had fallen for a guy. Dean wasn't his name? Their father had not shouted at him, not gotten angry, not told him it was wrong. He just had laughed and asked him how they met and if Castiel had made a move on him.
But if that was how his father was going to take it then the same would go for Michael. His father knew better after all.
Temptation.
It was really something Michael did not really have problems with. He always did the right thing and he knew it. He never struggled with temptation.
That is until the day he met her... until the day he met you.
He remembers it as if it was yesterday while in fact it was months ago.
Your soft footsteps could barely be heard even in the dead silence that surrounded the church that time of the day, but Michael of course had caught sound of it. He had turned to look at who had decided to come at that time of the day at that specific church. The church had been closed for a long time after the incident with the massacre inside it and, despite that fact, Kieran, a good friend of his father and priest, insisted on opening the church again. St. Anne's Church was a Catholic church that was always known as the "heart" of the French Quarter neighborhood of New Orleans so Michael could not help but agree to help Kieran with it. What really confused him, though, it was that there would be visitors already.
He looked up from the holy water in his hands to face the newcomer and... although he tried to deny it, he felt his heart beat in a completely different way than it always had.
"Uhm hello?" he had heard your soft voice say for the first time to him.
"You work here as a priest?" you had asked hesitantly, hugging, what looked like sketching books to him, closer to you.
He walked down the few stairs examining you for a little while from up close before he cleared his throat - mostly trying to shake off the weird feeling - and spoke "Yeah, yeah I do." he said not trusting his voice.
"Great" you said smiling widely and despite the feeling at the pit of his stomach getting even more intense Michael found himself smiling too "I am (Y/n), by the way" you had said extending your hand to him.
He did hesitate for a while - he clearly remembers that - mostly afraid of his own self and feelings, but did so anyway.
"Michael. I am Father Michael." he said extending his hand to shake yours. His smile matched your shy one and he could swear at that moment that he felt as if his heart would jump out of his chest.
Seeing that smile, that sparkle in your (e/c) orbs, hearing your voice that sounded like angels singing and then touching your hand had him over the edge in the most beautiful and scaring way ever.
That feeling.
That feeling that he was scared of... was there. That feeling that he dreaded that he would have when he touched you was there. It was there and it truly scared the hell out of him. It was something he had never felt before and didn't even know he was capable of feeling.
It was a feeling he wished he would never get to experience.
But there he was. And so was it.
Temptation.
~~~
You tried to calm down your rapidly-beating heart as you made your way to St. Anne's Church. You let out a breath and hugged your sketching books closer to yourself.
You looked down at your feet all the way, all kinds of thoughts running through your mind. One question being repeated all the time:
Is it right?
You scoffed at the mere though once again.
Who were you kidding? How could ever falling in love with someone like him be right?
Of course it wasn't. Of course. But you could not help it. How could you?
Those green eyes that under the sunlight could resemble to blue ones had your heart hammering in your chest ever since the first moment you saw him. Those dark hair seemed so soft and you had a really hard time not running your fingers through them. His strong jaw always managing to grab your attention, bringing you a sense of comfort whenever he spoke. His voice soft yet firm. And then there were those lips. Damn those lips. You would be willing to burn in hell if you got just one chance to kiss them.
You had met him just eight months ago. Eight months and although you knew that what you felt that first time you met him was wrong you could not help but indulge in it a little bit. It was so wrong and you knew it, that's why you wished you would get over it soon but... it certainly wasn't an easy task.
You had to see him almost every day for the first couple months because of your assignment. You were an art student and this semester's assignment had to do with something related to the relation and history between art and religion. And what better way to collect information along with inspiration than visiting a church?
Maybe it was the wrong decision but you were not going to back down. You had never felt anything like that before, and even though it was wrong - oh so wrong - what Michael made you feel was unique and you were not going to let go of it.
Not that Michael seemed to be letting you go, either. There were moments that you seriously thought about it and wanted to run away from him for the sake of the both of you. But Michael, oh Michael seemed to have gotten a tight hold of your heart and he didn't seem to be letting you go.
Over the course of time you got to know him better and damn you but were you in love with that man. It scared you to admit it even to yourself but it was the truth nonetheless. Michael was an amazing man, sure he had his flaws - who didn't? - and sometimes somebody would call him arrogant but you could see through it. You could see how all he did was because he thought it was right. That's what he always wanted to do. The right thing. Whether it was to protect the ones he loved or to 'save people' as he called it. He believed that people could be saved despite all their 'sins' and that was really something that caught your interest. How he had faith in people, even though heseemed to believe the complete opposite.
"You came earlier today" Michael's voice broke your trail of thoughts. You hadn't even realized when you had entered the church.
"Yeah, I guess I didn't have anything to do at home today" you shrugged slightly.
"So it seems" he gave a light chuckle and you bit your lip, feeling a tingling sensation at hearing his melodic laugh. And damn was it wrong that his laugh did this to you.
If only you knew what you were doing to him right now.
Michael cleared his throat and then coughed shifting uncomfortably in his feet, but you paid no attention to it.
"So you didn't tell me, weren't you supposed to get the grade to your assignments today?" he asked and you nodded.
"Yeah" you said, taking a seat next to him on the pew "It went well. Really well might I say" you smiled when you saw him smile too "Thanks to you, anyway" you added.
"I didn't do anything, it was all your doing" he simply said.
"What? Oh come on, I knew almost nothing about art in religion and you just walked in and taught me so many things that I even found interesting!" you exclaimed with hand motions and he chuckled.
"Well, you were the one that basically walked in" he said with what seemed like a smirk.
"Eh it's the same thing anyway" you said and he chuckled more.
"I guess you're right. But that's not the reason you are here, is it?" he raised an eyebrow at you ever so slightly and you felt your cheeks burn hot at his intense stare. It felt as if he could see right through you and your lie.
"I told you Michael-" you had long ago gotten used to calling him just Michael - at his request of course "-I was just bored" you avoided looking at his eyes.
"Now, we both know that is not the truth, is it?" he said.
"I-" you hesitated, not really knowing what to say; your cheeks were burning.
You heard him chuckle and for the first time felt a little bit at ease.
"Come on, just tell me. You know you can" he put a hand on top of yours and deciding to ignore the feeling you turned your head to look at him and spoke your question.
"I was just wondering. How come you decided to become a priest? I mean, sure you got the whole package. Holy Michael, doing the right thing, devoting himself to the general well-being but- I'm just wondering." you said.
"I'm not holy, (Y/n)" was his only response, voice somehow bitter.
"Yeah, right." you scoffed
"I'm not" he said firmly again "I- I just know that's what I always wanted. I never thought of myself doing something else"
"I see but- you really have not regretted it? Are you still sure that that is what you want? I mean, yeah, it's your choice but- it's hard, isn't it? All of the things you must and must not do. It's just..." you trailed off, not knowing what more to say.
"I never was the one for love, (Y/n)." he said getting up and making your head snap in his direction, surprising you how he had picked up on what you were trying to say.
"How do you know that?" you asked in a soft voice "You've never tried it. You've told me so." you said referring to the one time you had previously tried to make the same conversation.
"I just know" he firmly said, back turned to you.
"How? How can you just know Michael. You can't just know. That's impossible. Did you ever let yourself be free? Did you ever let yourself try? Did you ever let yourself see if you could... love? I mean-" you chuckled lightly, you were up by now too "-it's completely natural after all. People fall in love, meet their significant others in most cases. But till then they try and- you haven't Michael. You chose to take that option away from your own self. You decided to become a priest without a second choice. You decided to give away your chance of loving somebody why? Just because you knew that you were never the one to love? And what if the situation changed, Michael? How could you know that-" you started rambling and at the same time bearing your heart out, only to be cut off by him.
"Because I know I am never the one to sin!" he snapped at you and your eyes widened at the fear you felt for just a split second at his commanding voice. His name was not Michael for no reason after all.
"Sin?" you breathed out in disbelief "You think, falling in love is a sin?" you let out a pained laugh "You've got to be fucking kidding me" you ran a hand down your face.
"Don't curse. You're in a church" he said in a commanding voice.
You let out a short laugh "So that's your problem, now? You're joking now, you've got to be joking"
"(Y/n)-" he tried saying but you stopped him.
"No! No don't (Y/n) me. Don't you dare, Michael! I come here, trying to tell you how I feel, bearing my heart out to you- being the most vulnerable I have been in my life because I know that what I feel is wrong and you- you- You knew Michael, you knew! And don't deny it because lying is surely a sin. You knew and yet you tell me that it is a sin, that what I feel for you is a sin. What are you so afraid of? Falling? Falling from heaven because you will let yourself feel? And on top of everything you want me to accept that it's my fault? You want me to accept that I am the only one responsible for this? What about you, Michael? What about you sinning? Because I know that I'm not the only one that-" you started saying but he cut you off.
"Don't. Don't say it" he said and pursed his lips, looking at you with a frown and you could see the inner battle in his eyes.
"What? That I am in love with you? Is that what you are afraid of? Are you really so afraid of it? Why? Because you think you're going to burn in hell for it? Well don't worry I'll take all the blame. Because even if it is a sin, even if I get to burn in hell for that, I am not going to deny it because I am afraid. I love you and even if you don't deserve it I would still go to hell for you. Even if you weren't willing to." you let out a shaky breath and wiped away the tears that had started rolling down your cheeks without your realizing it.
"Don't worry, though, I'm not going to put you through this anymore. You are not going to see me anymore, so don't worry about being tempted again" you said bitterly, grabbing your things and turning to leave quickly.
"(Y/n), please" you heard him say but didn't stop.
"(Y/n), wait! Please, (Y/n)!" he said again more urgently but you just ignored him.
"(Y/n)! Wait. Just hear me out! (Y/n)!" he said again but you continued ignoring him, until of course you felt a grip on your arm.
It all happened so quickly and in a blur - maybe mostly because of the tears clouding your vision. But, although you couldn't see clearly, you could surely feel-
Feel his lips on yours kissing you feverly while his hands cupped your face as if he was clinging to you, not wanting to let go. The need for air was too much to bear, though, so you both had to pull away.
You didn't say a word and just looked at him with pursed lips, not really knowing what to say. So he spoke instead.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way. I- I didn't mean to hurt you, little angel" he rested his forehead against yours.
"Yeah, but you did" you said bitterly.
"I know, I know. And I'm sorry, I'm sorry (Y/n). I know, I know I shouldn't have said what I did. I- I just- damn it." he gritted his teeth and you had a hard time hiding your astonishment at hearing him curse.
"Don't curse. We're inside a church" you said trying to lighten the mood, making him chuckle.
"Yeah obviously." he cleared his throat "I just- I didn't mean what I said, alright? It's just too much to take. All these months I- I've been experiencing things that I- I never had to go through in my life before. I know it's wrong, I know but for the first time it feels so right to be in this place that honestly I don't care anymore. Not what my father will think and not what it is right. I'm tired of doing what is thought of being right. What others will think is right or not. This time I'm going to do what I think is right."
"Michael..." you whispered.
"I'm going to fix things, don't worry. I will take care of it. I will do the right thing" he said and brought his face closer to you.
"But Michael it's... You're... We can't. There is nothing you can do other than break your vows and-" you started but he cut you off.
"It is what I am going to do. I may fall from heaven but at least it will be worth it. Because I will have fallen for you and honestly, falling does feel amazing" he said and you let yourself smile ever so slightly before his lips locked with yours and you both gave into...
... temptation.
