Just friends...?

Chapter 1

Just friends. The phrase written over and over, by historians, by humanity, by those that weren't there. maybe if we'd been different people. different social statuses, different place, different time. The class would laugh, they would laugh and laugh.

was it truly just a joke?

I'd wonder if all "friends" did this. i wonder if they lay next to eachother at night staring at eachother, their legs intertwined. I could say we were kidding. i could say we were messing around. even though his knee was too close too mine. even though the way he rested his head on my shoulder and relaxed his hand on my upper thigh made my stomach knot together.

everytime i wasn't near him?

i ached.

Jack is, or more like was my best friend.

I'm not even sure what we are anymore.

Our shared glances had become more meaningful, almost more...longing. He looked at me like i was the only boy in the world.

It was jarring, the first time he had left me when I got in my feelings. Of course, why would I care? I'm not gay. Just because I crave him every second of the day...doesn't mean I'm attracted to him.

Right?

that's gay.

i'm not gay.

right?

(okay so NOW WERE AT DA SCHOL AND NOT FAGGOT THOMAS IMAGINATION!!!! THIS IS LAST PERIOD, BEFORE THEY LESSVE SCHOL HEH.)

"Hey, man!" i sat down next to him, tossing my bag in the floor beside my chair, and plopping down into my seat.

he didn't respond to me.

"you okay?" i asked him slowly.... slowly and cautiously. was it something i had done...? i prayed not.

he nodded his head. i couldn't see his face, it was buried in his crossed arms, which were planted firmly on the table.

i knew that wasn't true, i knew him. i knew every bend bump, and curve of him. something must have happened.

"not true. i know you jack. what happened??" I asked him, trying to keep my voice smooth.

"peyton... *mumble*..." he just turnt his head to the side to look at me. he wasn't crying, thank god. it ruined me every time he cried, which wasn't often.
he had problems with showing his emotions positively. I remember this one time he had gotten jumped by some kids in our class for spilling the coffee he had gotten his girlfriend, peyton, on some boy's white nike back pack.
it wasn't even his fault, the kid has shoved him.

i remember what happened after he got punched.

i remember him crumpling to the floor.
i remember the way he yelped.

and i remember, oh i remember it. i remember finding him, crumpled in the bathroom floor, clutching his face and sobbing.

i can remember, vividly, so vividly the look in his eyes when he saw me.

I still don't understand that  look.

i didn't know what to do, i just sat dow infront of him. his face was bloody and scratched, and he was crying, that kind of crying that's raw, the kind of crying you can only let put near people you trust.

i still remember the feeling of his face when i touched it, his skin was usually  smooth, i of all people would know.

my hands shook as i pulled him close to me, the way in which i wrapped my arms around his back and waist made him shiver.
he heditated, before he leaned into me, resting his head on my shoulder and finally letting out a few small, pent up breaths.

"let's clean that up, okay?" i said gently, as i stoodup, grabbing his hands to pull him up. 

i walked over to the sink, and started wiping his face with those cheap paper towels, the ones at every cheap public school.

"o-ow! thomas!" Jack yelped when i wiped the scratches on his face from being punched and scratched with some kid's jagged and dirty ass nails.

"hold still! i need to clean it or it'll get like, infected!" i giggled, trying not to laugh at him whining.

"stop laughing! it's not funny!" he lightly smirked but then winced as i finished up cleaning his face.

"there... does it feel any better?" i winced at the scratches and bruises on his face. i just stared at him pitifully for a moment, my stomach felt like it was being squeezed by a hydrolic press.

"i'm sorry they... i'm sorry they hurt you... like that." i felt so bad. i wish i could just take all of the hurt and pain away from him, take the scratches off of his face, it wasn't anything i couldn't handle, nothing i haven't done to myself.

"it's okay, tomas, it isn't your fault." he tried to reassure me, but there was still a pit in my stomach.

back to present.... (sorry that took forever)

"i didn't get a single word of that. speak up." i glanced at him, smirking slightly, just trying to lighten the mood.

he raised his voice a bit. "peyton broke
up with me. there. happy?" he sat up and glared at me. his eyes felt like cigarette burns on my skin.

"oh... i'm sorry..." i nervously turned back to my computer, he clearly didn't want to talk to me. 
i zoned out for a while, not paying attention to whatever our ELA teacher was saying. blah blah blah edgar allen poe marrying his cousin, the two girls sitting in the comfy chairs giggling and gossiping. they keep looking at me.

i wish i could be like them. they didn't care what people said. i once saw the girl on the right, Lillian, get told she was a faggot. directly to her face and just walk away, completely unbothered.

the other girl, miracle. ive heard her talking about women, just girls in general.

i don't feel that way about women.

my paniced spiral is interupted by cackling. why are they laughing...? are they laughing at me???...

"what" i scoffed and turned to them. "why are you laughing."

they both looked at eachother and snickered.

"just staring at someone completely lovestruck." Lillian said, cackling and burying her face in miracle's shoulder, who was also laughing.

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT." How dare they! they're the gay ones. not me! i'm not GAY. i'm allowed to look at my best friend and feel upset for him, i mean why wouldn't i?!? his girlfriend broke up with him!

...

then why am i slightly happy.

...

fuck.

END OF CHAPTER ONE!!! WOOF THIS WAS A DOOZY TO WRITE! the next chapters probably won't be this long 💔
Thanks for reading!!!