Say Anything

Prologue

Darkness. Darkness everywhere. My body is ached but this feeling is not new to me. I wondered where I was... Didn't really matter though, at least I was alive. It was probably his fault I was here... It always was.

I did not notice my boss in front of me yelling my name until I felt his arms on my already trembling body, shaking me. "Jamie, Jamie! What the hell is happening with you!" Dan has never been the one to deal with tough situations despite being the owner of the most known five star restaurant in New York City; you would think he would be used to hectic situations by now.

Tears were streaming down my face, but the trembling had slowly diminished. I haven't had a panic attack in public since high school. I usually had it under control, but I couldn't help think about the past when I saw a customer drag his son, no more than ten years old, out of the restaurant and yell at him for his bad table manners. Small things as that could bring up memories of him...

Dan interrupted my thoughts, "Jamie, explain yourself. You nearly gave half of the customers heart attacks. You're lucky it's a weekday because if it were any more crowded you would be packing your stuff right away."

I honestly didn't know what to say, I've never really had to explain how I was to someone else. Others just sort of gave up when they thought I was a lost cause. The only person who did not give up on me was my best friend, but she did not know my whole story. know there are people out there that despite what I went through, would kill for a life like mine: living in New York City with hope for the future, yet I would never wish my life on anyone.

"I have anxiety attacks occasionally. Nothing to worry about honestly, just a bad day. I promise it will never happen again."

"Panic attacks are no joke, my little brother had them when he was younger. Almost died in a car accident when he was eighteen; had one while driving. Look Jamie, I like you. You are basically a daughter even though I am way too young and good looking to have a daughter your age" He winked at me and his wrinkles crinkled by his eyes.

"The only thing that helped my brother get better was going to therapy and learning to help prevent these attacks. My wife's nephew is a very good therapist I hear, how about I give you his card and you schedule a few sessions?" He looked very hopeful, as if this offer was the best of any.

"Dan, I really appreciate it, but I have no interest in talking to a shrink about my problems."

"I won't have it. This restaurant has an amazing reputation, I want you to take these sessions because if you don't and have another attack I will have no choice but to fire you. I know you need this job so take this offer. Please Jamie, it'll benefit you."

I looked down at the business card debating whether or not my job is worth this. I mean, I lived in a shitty one bedroom apartment with a pretty high rent considering its conditions, but hey what can you say? It's New York City.

I know I have a problem, I would be crazy if I didn't realize that by now. However, I do not feel the need to talk to anyone about it. My personal life is my business. My best friend Ellie did not even cross that line, she tried once and learned from her mistake. That day she had been put in her place. She understands me without knowing my past and that is all I need. All she knows is that I have no family and I have a rough past that I do not talk about.

As I continued to look at the card my thumb passes over the shrink's name...Dr. Jax Trevor. The name has a nice ring to it. If I wanted to keep my job and live as comfortable as possible then this would be the only choice I had. Seems like this Jax Trevor would become my therapist. Too bad he's not going to get me to say anything. I dialed the number and waited for the other line to pick up.

"Hello, this is the assistant of Dr. Trevor, how can I help you?" A high, petite voice answered from the other line.

"Yes this is Jamie Anderson. Dr. Trevor is supposed to be expecting me to schedule a couple of sessions with him, how soon can I get with him?" I realized how I phrased that and mentally face-palmed. Way to go Jamie, nice one.

She responded without missing a beat, "Well Dr. Trevor's uncle already talked to him and made sure you got the soonest appointment. That'll be tomorrow noon, is that okay with you?" I was a bit shocked that I got an appointment so soon but decided to just take the offer.

"Sure no problem, mark me in I'll be there."

"Don't be late. Dr. Trevor does not mess around." I felt like there was a double meaning to those words but decided to ignore it.

For now at least.