Men's Paradise

"Even if you were the last man on Earth, I still wouldn't agree to go out with you!" the girl exclaimed, moving her body quickly away. Her speed was unattainable for Victor Lyffe's body, due to the greater attraction of Mother Earth, and he walked back to his home.

The expected result, although it doesn't make it any more pleasant. But sooner or later he will find a girl who agrees to him, probability theory and statistics are on his side. The more he tries, the greater the chance of success. A few more and that's it, he can feel it.

Victor is a bit overweight. Okay, just overweight. Even obese. But he is fighting for a slim body. Yes, the war is hard and some battles are lost. Most of them. The overwhelming majority. In fact, there are only partisans fighting in the forests, and only on official documents, so that the generals of the unhealthy lifestyle can pocket the money allocated to them for the fight.

But he has a fail-safe (although for some reason it always fails. Probably need to find a better adjective. A bit of a fail-unsafe) weapon - charisma! Victor had a joke that still makes him laugh. "Acquaintance or life... without acquaintance!?" was how he started and often ended his communication with the opposite sex. Perhaps he should think of a second joke. But with charisma it's important not to overdo it, lest you lose your true identity.

At the moment, Victor was on his way home from work. He worked as an amusement ride operator, a great way to spend the day daydreaming. As always, he scanned the crowds for beautiful girls and sent them thoughts of benevolence. In the case of cherchez la femme, there is no point in not trying everything, including esotericism.

As luck would have it, it was spring outside: the sun was shining benignly, painting the roofs with a golden light. There were puddles from the recent rain and shop windows were gleaming. The world, you can't be so obviously enjoying life when here's Victor walking all over you and spring hasn't arrived in his life yet. Victor blew his nose noisily on his sleeve. This allergy too...

But she didn't tell the truth about the last man. Would agree. Who wants to cause the death of humanity? But there was some truth in what she said: he wouldn't have dated that woman because he would have found someone better. And he wouldn't have had time to date. He'd need a secretary to put women on his waiting list for months. And all this to save humanity.

He also had to wait for the elevator from the top floor. When he came out on the second floor, as usual, he could not get the key to the apartment lock from the first, second and third time. Recently, the lock has often jammed and Victor has even had to call a locksmith twice. That's it, now it's official: today is a bad day.

When Victor entered the flat, he found him. An outsider! A villain broke into the home! He was an oriental-looking man with rings and pearls in his black goatee beard. He wore a skullcap, a painted waistcoat that covered his naked torso, and baggy harem pants. Victor wasn't sure if he had identified the names of the clothes correctly and if he should call the harem pants 'baggy' (after all, they are always baggy, there are no narrow harem pants), but now he didn't care.

The stranger was sitting cross-legged on his, Victor's, greasy sofa with a hollow in the middle, drinking something from his, Victor's, saucer for some reason. Against the backdrop of an antique sideboard, cars outside the window and a laptop covered in tape on the nightstand, he looked wild. Like a guest from an oriental fairy tale in a modern city. Although he looked appropriate with carpets on the walls and floor.

Victor threw his whole body at the intruder. In the battle of the masses, Victor had an overwhelming advantage. But it turned out too overwhelming. He flew through the invader, taking only the saucer and breaking the sofa. Broke the saucer too.

"Are you sick or something? Damn Shaitan!" shouted the massless man, as it turned out.

"You broke into my house!" Victor shouted back, still lying on the smashed couch. And for a long time to come.