2:56am 11/11/2024
Crisp apple
A crisp apple at 2am has brought me full circle
From hiding my hunger like a secret to keep until it boils over
Conversations lead to echoes in my mind that push insecurities into action
Restriction fallows me into the night and the waking pains a reminder
It's comfy
..
To hide in the basement
It's familiar for food to taste better when starved
it's comforting
To hide my hunger
when it's what I've had to do for so long
Staying up
In dark skies until pink
It reminds me of a time when that was my only freedom to think
And I can't laugh
But I'll pretend I'm fine
From the push pops
To hockey stops
To saying it's no longer mine
And the lines that connect the dots in between are jagged and warping and like a scribbled routine
One I know too automatically
AND I ache for it still
A time when every part me me
Controlled
And my life against my will
And those moments of guilt and revelry are the moments I was my own I felt the most like me and now that I'm free
I don't want to be
So I sink in the corner of my own depravity
And have a crisp apple at 2am in the basement
Until I'm finially filled
But this time it won't be followed by yelling
For this misconduct
I will not be
Killed
For I survived this long
For being too strong willed
YOU ARE READING
Junior Jump scares
PoetryJunior year of College! How did we get here? How will it go? Life's so confusing right now!
