Goldfish

FIVE

Reuben appeared in my room later that evening, strutting in as if everything were normal between us. I stared in disbelief as he set the dinner tray on the bedside table, his smile almost apologetic. How could he act like his confession hadn't happened? As if a warm meal and that charming grin could erase everything. As if our life could carry on, with me playing a willing part in this madness. Maybe things would have continued as normal, and Reuben would have withheld the truth a little longer, had he not sensed my doubts bubbling up, thoughts I had tried to suppress. Deep down, I think my breakdown was inevitable, and Reuben could see this unease festering. Cutting me off from the outside world was his way of silencing those doubts before they led me to reach out for help. It was his way of maintaining control.

I wanted Reuben to blurt out, "Fooled you!" for it all to be part of some cruel prank. But I could see it now; there was a difference in him, a coldness behind the calm.

"There. I made you your favourite," he said softly, like an offering.

I glared at him. "You've got to be joking," I spat, my words dripping with venom.

Reuben sucked his teeth and grinned. "Ellie, I know this is hard for you to accept, but the sooner you come around, the easier it'll be."

"Easier for who? Am I supposed to just lie here, play the role of the victim in whatever sick game you're orchastring, and be okay with that?"
Reuben looked genuinely surprised. "You think you're a victim?"

"It sure looks that way."

He stroked his chin, as if smoothing out ruffled feathers. "You don't have the full picture yet, Ellie," he said calmly. "You've only seen a glimpse of what we're trying to accomplish."

I shook my head. "You need to stop with this 'we' nonsense. There is no 'we' here."

"You're not a victim," he said. "A martyr perhaps, but not a victim."

"A martyr?" I stared at him, baffled. He was talking in riddles, like I'd missed a few key episodes of some twisted box set. "More like a prisoner."

"I'm not keeping you against your will. You're free to leave anytime you want." He motioned to the door, his voice sincere. But there was an edge to it, a hint of teasing, as if daring me.

"You know what you're doing," I said through gritted teeth. "You may not have to tie me down to keep me restrained, but preying on my disability and denying me any contact with the outside world, I'd say that classifies me as a prisoner, Reuben."

Reuben's eyes locked onto mine. "You don't get it, do you? How much you've grown without her, how much you've evolved. Your mother was never really there for you. Instead of helping you embrace who you are, she tried to poison your mind. Tried to change you. All that talk about losing weight, playing on your fears about your health..."

"She was trying to help," I said defiantly. "That's what mums do, Reuben. They look out for you, see the things we don't. I was spiralling out of control."

"She should have accepted you for who you are," Reuben said, his voice hardening. "She should have supported you. Your body, it's not a burden, Ellie. It's a thing of beauty. But she tried to manipulate you, made you think you needed to change."

"Manipulate?" I scoffed bitterly. "And what exactly do you think you're doing right now?"

Reuben's voice grew feverish. "Lies! They're all selling lies. Every pound, every inch, you're living proof of our defiance, rejecting the fake ideals forced on us by the media. Movies, TV, commercials, influencers, they're all peddling a distorted version of perfection. But you, you're the ultimate rebel, Ellie. The bigger you grow, the more you defy them."