AN UNUSUAL SECRET OF A SUCCESSFUL FAMILY PSYCHOLOGIST

**WHY DO PEOPLE GO TO A PSYCHOLOGIST?**

Everyone comes to a psychologist for one reason - to "stop the pain." This may be a simplification, but it's the truth. It's not about physical pain, as you understand, but rather emotional.

People come to me when family issues, problems with children, or other worries push them to seek help from a family psychologist. They're often at a breaking point, desperate to resolve some crisis in their family. I've been doing this for almost 30 years...

I'll lift the veil a bit and share some of the most common and painful situations people face:

**SCENARIO 1: "NO MONEY"**

You see, I'm like a hamster in a wheel, constantly working. I even found a second job. I work so much for my family that I barely see them! But the most frustrating part is that we're still short on money. I'm the head of the family, the provider, and yet I have to shrug helplessly at my kids' latest requests.

My wife looks at me as if I'm a failure. Not only does she not support my efforts to make changes, but she seems to have given up on me. But she continues to talk about what she needs for herself! I wouldn't mind if we weren't so tight financially... I deny myself everything.

And the scariest part is that there seems to be no end in sight - I have no idea how I'll ever buy a house or save for my kids' education. It drives me crazy!

**SCENARIO 2: "RAISING CHILDREN ALONE"**

My husband died in a car accident 10 years ago, leaving me with an infant and a three-year-old daughter. It happened so suddenly that it felt like the ground fell out from under me. Since then, I've been barely holding on. There are problems at every turn - not enough money, no man in the house. The feeling of "not knowing where to run" has haunted me for years.

And the biggest struggle is that I haven't been able to replace their father. It's becoming more evident in their behavior and attitude toward me. My eldest is 13, and the misunderstandings and fights are starting. She doesn't listen to me - she does whatever she wants. I'm no authority to her, and I fear the worst - that she'll head down the wrong path.

I've failed the "parent test," and I suspect it will only get worse...

**SCENARIO 3: "A CHILD WITH DISABILITIES"**

When our son was born, we were on "cloud nine." But it didn't last long... Very soon, we noticed he was developing slowly. When he was three, the doctors diagnosed him and declared he was disabled. The diagnosis felt like a life sentence - they said he would never live independently.

My husband suggested placing our son in a special facility. The doctors supported him, saying things would only get harder, but I couldn't do it. After years of arguing, we divorced. My life felt like it ended... I had to devote myself entirely to my son's care.

I know there's no way out of this. I'm afraid of only one thing - what will happen to him after I'm gone?

**SCENARIO 4: "TRAPPED IN ROUTINE"**

I have a wife and three children. We live in a big house. I have a decent job with a good income. It seems like I should be content and happy... And for the first 10-15 years, I was.

But now the kids have grown up. They have their own lives and concerns, and they need less attention from my wife and me. We weren't ready for this! We'd spent every waking moment focused on them...

For years, we barely noticed each other, dedicating ourselves entirely to the kids, and now we're like strangers "under one roof." We have nothing to talk about. The kids visit less and less - they have their own lives and families.

Work no longer interests me. I used to work hard to earn more, but now I don't see the point - for whom should I "pull out all the stops?" We have enough for just the two of us.

Everything has become "dull" and routine. I go to work, we have dinner in silence (nothing to talk about), I take out the trash, watch TV... And so it goes in circles for years. It feels like you're forcing yourself to live! To do things just to keep up the appearance of existence. But it all feels meaningless.

Everything is the same... And more and more often, I find myself thinking: "When will this end?"

**SCENARIO 5: "DOES A PSYCHOLOGIST NEED A PSYCHOLOGIST?"**

My colleague had repeatedly and persistently invited me out for lunch. It was starting to feel awkward to keep saying no...

So there I was, sitting with her in a restaurant, discussing our clients and cases. Of course, we didn't name anyone - confidentiality is sacred to us!

Finally, it seemed she found the courage to ask the real question she'd been wanting to ask:

- "You're a successful family psychologist - you have fantastic reviews, high demand, and a year-long waiting list. But you've never had a family or children of your own. How do you help people? What's your secret?"

- "I envy them!"

- "???"

- "They complain to me about things I've never had and probably never will - I'm already 53! They complain about their partners, children, money issues, lack of time, and their life in general. But they don't realize the gift they've been given - the chance to be part of a family!"

- "But they have such difficult lives! You envy their troubles?"

- "You know, I often cry at night! Not so much from loneliness but from not having a close person beside me who would be with me for decades, maybe even the rest of my life, someone I could trust and share my life with. From knowing I'll never experience the 'joy of motherhood' - being pregnant, feeling life growing within me, the pain and then joy of birth, breastfeeding. I'll never feel the gaze of little eyes for whom I am the entire world!

"I truly envy their problems. Because I see in those problems moments of happiness that are out of reach for me! The secret to my success as a family psychologist is to remind them of these happy moments."

I looked at my friend - she was sitting across from me, her eyes wide open, and tears were streaming down her face. And she whispered, almost to herself:

- "So, it's worth living, even when life is difficult!"