“To be loved is to be changed, to be loved is to be devoured”
I hear the words echoed through my conscious soul.
Yet, as your fingers peel my flesh, ripping the tissue away,
Your yellow teeth sever the nerves and muscle.
Yet I do not feel changed, I feel devoured and drowned.
I suffocate in your violence, it smothers my cries,
You stifle my struggles, it leaves me barren.
I feel you harvest my kidneys, feed me your lies.
“It won’t hurt”, “It’ll feel good”
But now my garnet gore spills onto the floor,
Staining your impure hands with harm;
And my own mitts with anguish,
trying to hold what little shape I have.
“To be loved is to be changed.”
I repeat like it was the only mantra I had left,
Your fangs tear my muscle away, chewing my spleen.
Digits dig into my ribs, snapping the ivory structure,
You gnaw at the bones, tainted with self-loathing.
I shudder a whimper, yet you take it for delight,
You continue your feast, moving to my duodenum.
Not yet have you tore my trachea, in turn, larynx,
But with the terror that fills me, I remain silent and still.
Not yet have you ripped my heart or ingest my brain,
But with my disgust, how you violate me, I feel no more, dead.
Your teeth chew my kidneys, tearing flesh no easier than paper.
My substance leaks out, yet you ignore crimson that trails.
I wanted affection and soft cuddles, I desired sweet words,
But all I got was harsh touches, full of desire, lust, not love.
I crave to drown in somebody who wouldn’t pull me under;
Although you keep pulling me down by my ankles,
Ignoring my kicking as pressure gets worse the deeper we go.
As clumsy fingers peel my delicate intestines away,
Your judgement marks them unnecessary, not of use to you.
Ignoring how they spill onto the floor, you venture further.
What more do you want?
Reaping my peancreas, you cook up and have for dinner.
As I feel my body deterioate, you seem to ignore me,
I suffer in agony, body failing miserably because of you.
When you give me a hand upwards, I stand for an instance.
Yet after I thank you, another hand steals my liver,
Tearing it slowly out of my body, each nerve on fire.
I stagger once more from my feet, falling to frail knees,
I gasp and shiver violently, on the floor as my body weakens.
Although, your attention is too fixed on your growing hunger,
You don’t seem to notice me struggling on the ground anymore.
Maybe, you just grew used to it and chose to ignore it;
Maybe, I was always like this and I were to be overreacting.
But my gall bladder no longer works as you tear it out,
Throwing it away to think about in a future day.
As I think that you might stop, you gnaw on my stomach,
Did it never occur to you, I needed one like you did?
I wanted to scream, yell or push you away,
But my body is far too weak and tired from your pressure,
Already I find myself half-butchered and I cannot stop it.
It feels like you’d never be satisfied as you grip my lungs,
It’s okay though, I no longer desire or feel the need to breathe.
You crush my right lung so carelessly, without thinking,
Only to move it casually to show my already torn heart;
It beats, yes, but only weakly.
My heart seems to suffice because next thing I know,
It beats in your hand as you rip it out, holding it like a trophy.
I watch tiredly as you don’t eat it, instead you undo it’s stitches.
The blood rushes out of it as the seams are pulled off,
You tamper with it’s build and shape it how you’d prefer it to be.
Did you know how many times I had to fix it?
I remain silent as you put it back together, shoving it back.
Your guilty fingers slide it back into my broken chest,
As if it were always that way with snapped ribs and ripped skin.
I lie wait, waiting for you to leave, waiting for you to never return,
Although, you stay standing over me, looming in a daunting manner.
You finally release my lung, letting me breathe another haunting day,
Even though I have gave up with breathing and speaking.
My heart feels heavy with the way you shaped it,
Not all of it was whole and I was well aware of that.
I was well aware I would never get that part back, ever.
“To be loved is to be devoured”
Yet I never felt loved, I only had felt disgusted by myself after you.
