June 27, 2025.... This trip should have been totally different, there should have been two of us in this airport, my best friend and I would have been the friendship trip after almost 10 years of knowing each other, she knows everything about me, I know everything about her.
I wanted this trip, it would have been 3 days in Paris she would have accompanied me to give me the opportunity to do one of the biggest bullshit of my life.... Participate in a convention to see in person the love of my life, the woman I had never seen but who had completely devastated my heart and mind.
Mari was not at all convinced she had tried for more than a year to convince me not to do it she knew it would end badly, with my heart breaking as soon as I laid my eyes on that wonderful face and looked into those magnetic and deep eyes that only she had but obviously I hadn't paid attention to her at all I had taken the plane tickets and my ticket for the meet and greet but she didn't want to know to do it with me she told me:" In this mess you put yourself alone now get out but If you die in front of that poor woman's eyes I'll leave you there"
She knew that I had completely lost my mind for my beautiful Lana, I had met her many years ago but she had become an almost visceral thing and when my world collapsed on me I clung to her, in a year I lost all my certainties everything turned against me even my body and my illness, the only person in whom I found comfort was Lana I don't know how I don't know why it was the only presence I could endure she was the only one I wanted to see the only one I wanted with me was over Also of my children but at this point of no return I needed to see her to be able to delete her, to put an end to this destructive fantasy because it was just hurting me I was literally obsessed with her I was madly in love with her and I didn't know her, it was physical and mental the need I felt for her but it was really an absurd and irrational situation by now my head was focused on her in my days there was only her in my thoughts there was only her in my dreams and in my nightmares there was only her and I absolutely had to let her go for My sanity.
According to Mari the only way to do it was to see her, to see that for her I was only one among many, one like many so I had convinced her to accompany me to meet her also because I was seriously afraid of being sick when I would have had her in front of me my heart had not accompanied me for a while now and I would probably have had a heart attack there while I was looking at her But that bitch two days before leaving decided to fall down the stairs and break her leg. I wasn't at all sure I wanted to leave alone, not because I was afraid I'm a fairly independent woman but because I was terrified at the idea of meeting her alone without anyone being there for me if something ever happened but I had to leave I had to face these feelings of mine towards her I had to show my mind and my heart that nothing existed on the other side for me, that the feelings I felt were only mine and that I had to make me enough of them and let her slip away from my hands and my mind.
So I made my decision and left alone, I had already been to Paris once and I had already booked a hotel and booked all the tickets we would need to visit Paris in peace on Friday and then go see the most beautiful woman in the world the next day.
I should have seen her almost a year ago but at the time I had just undergone a very important operation and they had forbidden me to take the plane for at least 6 months so my first opportunity to see her was nuanced but obviously never give up when you are so totally lost for another person and so a year later I found myself on that plane alone.
I had chosen the Orly airport which was definitely smaller and quieter to be able to organize myself, my luggage was a simple backpack, I was quietly checking the schedule of my uber when a brunette with a hat and glasses crashes her hot coffee on me at the end of June in which obviously you don't wear sweaters but tank tops, tank tops that certainly don't protect you from a first-degree burn, fuck I felt a hallucinating pain from my neck down.
