Depressed as Fuck [Completed]

Chapter 9

The buzzing of my phone was the only sound breaking the silence of the room. It had been like this for days---weeks, maybe. I had long lost track of time.

Days are blurred together in a haze of inactivity. I hadn't left my room in so long that the idea of going outside felt almost foreign to me now.

I didn't need to check the phone. I knew who it was:

ShadowViper

The messages had started slow, then picked up as days went on, each one more persistent than the last. They were concerned, or at least pretending to be.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm here if you need to talk."

"Please let me know you're okay."

I hadn't responded to any of them. I couldn't. I wasn't okay and I didn't know how to explain why. Or even if I could.

I flipped the blanket off of me and sat up, staring at the wall in front of me. The room was always dim, only a small crack in the blinds let in any light, and the air felt stale, like it had been trapped here for too long.

Hadn't opened the window in days, either. I couldn't remember the last time I felt the breeze against my skin or the warmth of the sun.

A soft knock at the door interrupted the stillness.

I froze.

It was so rare for anyone to knock at my door.

My family had long since stopped trying to reach me, stopped making any effort to even check if I was alive.

I was a ghost in their eyes, a shadow they knew was there, but one they preferred to ignore.

The knock came again, this time louder, more insistent.

"Luna," came a muffled voice from the other side. It wasn't a voice I recognized immediately. I didn't care enough to try.

"Luna, we need your ID. Your mom said to remind you," the voice said, but it didn't feel real.

It wasn't anything important. No one in this house had ever really cared about me enough to need something as simple as my ID. I stayed silent, my back pressed against the cold wall. I didn't trust them. Not anymore. Didn't even want to hear their voices or be part of their world.

I heard footsteps retreat down the hall and a heavy sense of relief washed over me.

I let out a shaky breath. I had no idea what that was about. I didn't care. All I wanted was to be left alone. But somehow, I wasn't sure if I could keep pretending to be okay for much longer.

I had already locked myself away from the world. Already become invisible. But with each passing day, the emptiness felt deeper. I didn't know how to fix it. Didn't even know if I wanted to.

After contemplating with so may things, I decided to grabbed my phone again, it's a familiar weight in my hand, and opened the messages.

"Please talk to me, Luna. I'm worried."

The words were there, waiting for me to respond, to acknowledge them. But my fingers wouldn't move. I couldn't reply. How could I? I didn't even know how to answer the simplest question: Are you okay?

Because I wasn't.

I wasn't anything.

I scrolled through the messages again, my thumb hovering over the screen. Part of me wanted to send something---anything---just to make the buzzing stop.

But I couldn't. I couldn't let them in. I couldn't let anyone in. Not after everything. Not after all the times I'd been overlooked, ignored, forgotten.

Am I a coward?

I felt a wave of bitterness rise up in me, hot and sharp. I wasn't worth their concern. I wasn't worth anyone's time. The messages piled up, each one more desperate than the last. But they were just words, empty words that didn't mean anything.

However, at some point, I wanted to believe the messages from ShadowViper.

I wanna believe that I wasn't alone. But it was hard to believe in something that felt like a lie. I hadn't been part of the world for so long, I didn't know how to find my way back. And I wasn't sure I even wanted to anymore.

The phone buzzed again. Another message.

"I'm still here, Luna. Whenever you're ready. You're not alone."

I stared at the words for a long time, letting them sink in, even though I didn't want to believe them.

I wasn't alone.

But I felt like I was.

More than ever.

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lironove