Depressed as Fuck [Completed]

Chapter 16

It was strange, how the little things started to feel different.

The morning air that filtered through my curtains seemed fresher, less suffocating.

The weight that usually pressed down on my chest when I woke up wasn't as heavy, even though it was still there.

It was like I had learned to breathe again, even if my lungs were still a little slow to catch up.

I sat on the edge of my bed, the sun just beginning to warm the room, and the silence didn't feel as oppressive.

I could hear the distant hum of traffic outside, the occasional chirp of birds---sounds that used to be background noise, but now felt more like they belonged.

They were part of the world I was slowly beginning to rejoin.

I reached for my phone, the familiar weight of it in my hand a small comfort. I hadn't heard from ShadowViper in a few hours.

I hadn't even checked my messages as often as I used to. I wasn't sure why. Maybe it was because, for the first time in a while, I didn't feel like I needed to.

Maybe I was beginning to feel a little more at peace with myself. Or maybe, just maybe, I was beginning to understand that it wasn't about constantly looking for someone else to fill the silence---it was about learning how to live with it.

To make peace with the quiet instead of letting it swallow me whole. The phone buzzed, interrupting my thoughts.

ShadowViper:

"Hey, Luna. How's it going today?"

I smiled without meaning to. They always seemed to check in at just the right moment, like they knew exactly when I needed a reminder that I wasn't alone. Even when I didn't know how to ask for it.

I typed back:

"Better, actually. Not perfect, but it feels like I'm starting to find my way again."

I stared at the message before I sent it, feeling a little unsure of what I was saying. But it was the truth. I wasn't fixed. I wasn't healed. But I was starting to take the first few steps toward it.

"That's good to hear," came the reply.

"I'm glad you're feeling a little better. I'm always here if you want to talk more."

I sat back against the headboard of my bed, the soft weight of my pillow behind me, and thought about the words.

They weren't grand or life-changing. But they were consistent. There was a kindness there that I couldn't ignore. A reassurance that I wasn't alone in this.

I had always been used to keeping my struggles locked inside. To suffering in silence. It was easier that way, I thought. Safer. But now? Now, I was starting to learn that it didn't have to be that way. I didn't have to hide every part of myself just to survive.

And while I wasn't ready to fully embrace it, I could feel the edges of my world beginning to expand, just a little.

The shadows inside me weren't as dark. I could see a little more light breaking through the cracks.

I got up from the bed and went to my desk, pushing aside the clutter that had gathered. There was something oddly comforting about the act of organizing, like it gave me some control over my life that had felt so out of reach before.

I didn't have everything figured out yet. I still didn't know what my next step would be, or what I even wanted for the future. But I was starting to feel like I could find my way through it. It was small. These little moments of clarity. But they added up.

I sat back down at my desk, taking a deep breath. I opened my notebook again, flipping through pages filled with half-formed thoughts and tangled sentences.

I wasn't a writer.

I didn't know how to express everything that was inside of me. But it helped to write, even if only to untangle the mess of feelings that swirled in my head.

It was a way of letting it out---of taking the chaos in my mind and turning it into something that, even if it didn't make sense, I could see.

I picked up a pen. The words didn't come easily. But they came. Slowly, carefully, they spilled onto the page.

Dear Diary,

I'm not okay. I'm not sure if I ever will be. But maybe that's okay. Maybe it's okay to not have everything figured out. Maybe, for the first time in a long time, I don't have to be anything other than myself. The broken, messy, imperfect version of myself. And that's enough.

Also, I am glad that I get to meet ShadowViper in Genshin Impact. I'm not sure if it's a girl or a boy so I will just call 'they/them'.

It's just that, they were so kind enough to help me get out of the dark and because of them I am starting to see hope again after all these years of  depression.

I put the pen down, staring at the words on the page. They weren't perfect. But they felt honest and that was enough.

My phone buzzed again, pulling me out of my thoughts. I glanced at it. Another message from ShadowViper.

"Just wanted to remind you that you're not alone, and better days are ahead. You're doing your best, and that's something to be proud of! Keep going, even when it's tough. You got this!"

I smiled softly, the warmth of their words settling over me like a blanket on a cold night.

Maybe I wasn't as broken as I thought. Maybe I was just learning to rebuild. One step at a time.

I leaned back in my chair, letting my eyes drift closed for a moment. The room was quiet again, but it didn't feel as suffocating.

I wasn't sure where I was going or how I was going to get there. But for the first time in a long time, I felt like I could keep going.

Even if the steps were small. Even if the road ahead was unclear.

I wasn't alone anymore. And that thought, however fragile, was enough to keep me going.

For today, at least.

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lironove