Behind Curtains

Kabanata 58

Kabanata 58

Longer

"Layla? Where are you?"

"Nasa taas," I sighed. "Tapos ka na ba?" 

"I'm done," I can hear him padding on my stairs. 

Gusto ko sana siyang pigilan na huwag nang umakyat. Our second floor consists of two bedrooms; a full yet small bathroom, a spacious balcony and a tight hallway. Na sa sobrang sikip ng lahat, kahit na sabihing saktong laki lang naman sana, sa dami namin ay nagsisiksikan lang ang mga gamit. Na kahit anong gawing ayos, dahil may mga gamit na kailangan, ay napaka gulo pa rin ng lahat.

Na kahit anong gawing linis, ay ganoon pa rin. Masikip.

I realized I could easily welcome him to our entrance and annex because that's where our ceilings were tallest. Pero ang  makita siya dito kung saan masikip, mababa ang kisame at manipis ang mga nakapalibot na dingding... natanto kong, nakakahiya. Magiging isa nanaman ito sa magdedepina ng layo ng agwat naming dalawa.

His expensive cars on our driveways were far more expensive than our actual house. Kahit na siguro ipagsama-sama ang mga ari-ariang ipapangalan sa akin ay... iilang sasakyan niya lang ang katapat noon. 

The amount of money that was disposable for him was not even something any one of my family can achieve in this lifetime.

He peered at me from the door. Kung saan, kasing tangkad niya ang hamba. I sighed to myself.

Kahit sa simpleng galaw na ganoon... talagang... napaka layo ng agwat naming dalawa... sa lahat.

"What are you doing?" bumagsak ang mga mata niya sa hawak-hawak kong LED lights. "Do you need my help?"

Tahimik ko iyon na inabot sa kanya. He was almost crouching against my room's ceiling. My pendant light was hanging too low that he barely missed when he went closer to me.

Tinuro ko sa kanya ang mga gusto kong mangyari sa buong strip. Tumango naman siya at pinasadahan ng tingin ang mga dingding na pagdidikitan noon. I wanted to bury my face. The noon sun was hitting too hard. It hit too violently against my stark white walls that one could clearly see how clumsily they were painted. 

Iisang kulay na nga lang sana, hindi pa pinulido ang pag gawa. Sa totoo lang, una palang... ayoko na sa mga bahay ng subdivision na ito—well, sa mga units na kayang paglaanan ng sweldo ni Dad na hindi kami tuluyang nagugutom—pero... it was far cheaper than designing a house that fully catered to us from the ground up. It was almost... suffocating.

To live in a tight, thin-walled, three-bedroom house... when you're a family of six. At ni isa sa amin ay walang patpatin. It didn't make sense how all of us fit in a house this size.

But maybe this would be my siblings' origin stories. They wouldn't be able to endure this kind of life for a long time, so they'd do whatever they can to leave the nest. To make a life far better than the life they were forced to grow up in. A middle-class family that had potentials trapped against the budget of its own income; against personal capitalistic desires and almost inevitable economic depression.

A family that deserved far more, but had the limitations of supposedly being ideal; being able to pay the bills while still having some left for emergencies. To have money of our own; to be able to fend for ourselves without fully relying on our parents. Never too much. Only just enough.