Dragon Ball Z Abridged: The Mushroom Queen

Chapter 0: The Beginning of the End

"King Vegeta, I have urgent news," Butarega said as he rushed into the throne room. 

Queen Portabella was giving King Vegeta a lap dance when he walked in. She quickly got off of her husband's lap and sat back down on her throne, blushing.

"You saw nothing," she threatened.

"Speak, Butarega," King Vegeta told her, trying and failing to hide his erection.

"Bardock has gone absolutely mad, sire," Butarega told them.

In the distance, the three could hear Bardock screaming. 

"Friezaaaaaa!"

"What's all the commotion about?" King Vegeta asked.

"He's been telling everyone that Frieza plans to destroy Vegeta," 

"Wait, my son, the planet, or me?" King Vegeta inquired for clarification purposes.

"...Yes," Butarega answered.

King Vegeta didn't like his tone, so he blasted Butarega away.

"Freakin' smartass," he scoffed before turning his attention to Nappa."Counselor Nappa, what do you think?"

"Let me tell you what you need to do," Nappa answered. "You need to sit him down, you look him dead in the eye, and you say, 'Don't blow up my planet.'"

"And you think that will work?" King Vegeta asked him.

"He'd have to be aaaaaaawfully evil if it didn't," Nappa said. "And I'm not gonna lie, I like the cut of his jib."

Queen Portabella scoffed. Why do we even have this guy on our council, she thought.

King Vegeta sighed.

"All right, but I want you to take my son, the Prince, and my daughter, the Princess, off-planet just in case things go south."

"Don't worry, sir. You'll do juuuuuust fine," Nappa said before leaving to round up Prince Vegeta and Princess Portabella.

"You can't be serious," Queen Portabella shouted. "You're ACTUALLY listening to him?!"

"Pookie bear, has Nappa ever let us down?" King Vegeta cooed.

"Yes?!" Queen Portabella answered emphatically.

"Name one time he screwed things up for us,"  He said.

"Broly and Paragus's failed assassination attempt?! Banishing Broly because he was strong?! Banishing Tarble because he was weak?! Portabella's discipline?! She's still cuter than me, even with that stupid scar on her face, I can't stand it! And all she wants to do is keep to herself! Which, granted, is less work for us, but she's our strongest progeny! AND SHE REFUSES TO TRAIN AND FIGHT!"

King Vegeta waved a hand dismissively before going to meet with Frieza.

"If this blows up in our faces, I'm getting a space divorce in our next life," Queen Portabella grumbled, storming off to go pack her things and leave.

Back with King Vegeta, he was in the aforementioned meeting with Frieza.

"Freeza, can I sit down and have a word with—"

"SHORYUKEN," Frieza shouted, uppercutting King Vegeta in the jaw, causing the latter to fall back while producing an echoing scream.

K.O.! YOU WIN!