Venting (cause why not)

I didn't know my childhood was that sad...

So today in Creative Writing we had to write 3 chapters: each containing six words (6 word memior) that summarizes the chapter. I can't remember all those like good memories, only the bad ones, and I was a cry baby, plus they were very frequent so Imma list them here for yall to see and I'd explain them each

Chapter 1: "A fresh start, but rough journey" I moved downtown in a state (EST) when I was five, and it was kinda hard. I was kind of a troublemaker, and also I was part of a trio at some point, but I was usually left alone and to myself. I remember mostly playing alone at recess everyday, even after 3rd grade, and I didn't know why. Sometimes it affected me, sometimes it didn't. I also got bullied after a couple of years for being fat and ugly, but only one of my teachers did smth abt it. My parents just told me to keep on telling him off, and didn't rlly do much after that. I specifically remember very recently asking my mom why she didn't teach me to stand up for myself, and she had the audacity to say "well u were too young"....IS ANYONE TOO YOUNG TO STAND UP FOR THEMSELVES??? IF ANYTHING. THE EARLIER U START, THE BETTER

Chapter 2: "Lost in the darkness, all alone" Middle school was a rough patch. I had a couple of good friends from elementary school but they all moved away, so I was left all alone. This loneliness stuck with me everyday, and it really was affecting me. This was also the period where my parents paid more attention to my body image and grades. I started feeling a lil overwhelmed after a while, and plus the negative remarks from my classmates just bc I was "smart" didn't help at all. There were certain times where I'd cry myself to sleep, repeating that I "hated myself" and "wished to die"...I was friends with a girl and in a trio with two boys, but my friend moved, and I had some disagreements with one of the boys in the trio and stopped talking entirely. I even remember him sending like some mean message insulting how much I talked and how fat I was (this was before I graduated) after I called him an 'idiot' at recess (I was just in a bad mood + I already forgave him two months after that incident)

Chapter 3: "Arguments rose: where'd my joy go?" In summer 2024 before school started, I had a lot of arguments and breakdowns from my parents, who'd said some hurtful shit that rlly affected the way I viewed myself. My insecurities came back worse, I had recurring thoughts abt writing myself off of this world, and I started to overthink everything. I also started to self-harm (I didn't know inflicting scratches on oneself was considered self-harm until later on. Also I didn't try it bc other people were, it was bc of a time that I was so numb that I had to do smth to like make me feel smth ykwim) What's worse was that I didn't have any friends, and still don't, in school. When school started, I was hit with high expectations, plus all these issues I had made me isolate myself in my room for certain periods of time whenever I can. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with my emotions that I become numb, and feel kinda different. This numbness has also happened a lot more frequently, like pretty much everyday atp. 

Rn I'm still alone, my online friends stopped talking to me for a while, and all these issues with my mom just adds up to me. 

:)