From Her Perspective (BWWM)

XXVII

William Devereaux

11 months ago

     I let out a deep sigh as the unmistakable sound of leather Oxfords echoed across the polished hardwood floor. Each deliberate step reverberated in the quiet room, amplifying the sense of dread coiling in my stomach. The soft thud of those shoes seemed to announce his presence with great intensity, sending a chill down my spine with every footfall.
     I could hear his groan before he even opened my door. He walked in and slammed my door shut. I would flinch if I wasn't used to his aggression.
     "You look horrendous,"
     "Hello to you too, Father," I said dryly. He rolled his eyes and sat on the couch in my office.
     "You haven't been in the office in a month. We have partners that still haven't met you yet. If I have to see your assistant sit in for you at another one of our meetings, I am going to lose it," he spat through gritted teeth.
     "I'm still doing the same work as before. I'm just doing it from home right now,"
     "You call this shoebox a home. You know, that girl isn't even living in the home you stupidly gave her,"
     "I'm not going over this again. I've sent you today's report. You can see yourself out," I said as I closed my laptop and stood from the desk.
     "What the hell is the matter with you? You look beat down as if you have nothing else in this world. You don't act like you even care about this company. For fucks sake, you don't even look like you've showered in days. This cannot be all over a woman,"
     "I pity you," I spoke as he stood. He cocked an eyebrow and crossed his arms.
     "You pity me?"
     "I do. I pity you because you have never known true love and you will never know what it feels like to have someone that loves you. Auriella loved me before you ruined everything that we had. I can die in peace knowing that my heart is in her hands. Knowing that she loved me in ways that no one ever has,"
"And that is precisely why all you will ever feel is pain," he said, his voice laced with bitterness. "Do you really think I don't understand what love feels like? That I'm somehow incapable of it? Joanna serves as the sole reminder I ever needed—love is about surrendering your heart to someone else, granting them the power to utterly destroy you. It's not the romanticized notions of sunsets or wedding bells that those fairy tales try to sell you," he continued, venom dripping from his words as he spat out my mom's name with fierce disdain.
"What are you talking about? What happened between you and Mom?"
"It doesn't matter. Just bring your ass to work," he said as he tried to brush past me until I grabbed his arm.
"No, you don't get to walk away. For once in my fucking life, you are going to have a conversation with me like a human being. What did Mom do? I deserve to know why I never got a real father," I said. I must be imagining things because I could swear he flinched.
"I loved your mother. I didn't marry her just because my dad wanted me to get married. I married her because I thought she was my person. I thought what we had meant something to her," he hesitated. "When you were a baby, we wanted to send your grandparents scrapbooks since they were missing you and Emma growing up. It wasn't until I started sorting through the baby pictures that I realized how different you two looked," he said before sitting on the couch. I frowned before sitting across from him.
"What are you saying?"
"You both look like your mother, so I never noticed. Emma was born with a head full of blonde hair. I thought maybe it'd get darker and turn brown as she aged, but it didn't. What were the odds of two green-eyed brunettes having a blue-eyed blonde kid?" I slowly nodded as I thought about my sister's bouncy blonde curls.
     "Mom told us her sister was blonde with blue eyes and that's where Emma gets it from,"
     "That's what she told me when I asked. Said it came from her older sister who died. I believed her until I found out your mother was an only child. I finally asked your mother if Emma was mine and she told me everything about how she had an affair with the gardener. Emma is a spitting image of her father,"
     "Why didn't you tell us or at least her? I would want to know,"
     "Emma was five when I found out. She was already mine whether she looked like me or not."
     "All these years of trying to figure out why you didn't love us and this whole time it was because of Mom," I said as I ran a hand through my hair.
     "That's not true," he said in a tone I've never heard from him.
     "Yes, it is. We could've had a shot at being a real family,"
     "If she didn't do what she did, we wouldn't have Emma. Your mother is not to be blamed for me not being there. I do love you two..." he whispered as he stared at his watch. He's never said that to me before. This is honestly the first real conversation we've ever had.
     "Your sister doesn't need to know any of this," he said before standing.
     "Okay," I said, not knowing what else to say.

Present

     "You two behave yourselves," Cleo said as she and her family headed out the door.
     "We will. Let us know when you guys get to your hotel," I told the three of them as Ella hugged Miles.
     "I'll walk you guys out. I'm staying at a friend's tonight," Jamison said.
     "What? But it's Saturday. We always hang out on Saturday nights," Ella pouted at her younger brother.
"I figured you were busy so I made plans. I'll see you later," he said as he walked towards the door.
"What is your problem? You've barely spoken to me all day. If I did something wrong, just tell me," she glared at him. Leo and Cleo paused at the door. Miles frowned at his aunt and uncle. Leo closed the door and pointed for Miles to go into the nursery when Theo was.
"Is this about me? You've barely said a word to me since we met. You don't like me and I really wish I knew why," I said. He clenched his jaw and glared at me before looking at his sister.
"You were miserable when we moved here. Constantly spaced out and when you weren't, you were staring at that damn wedding ring. You looked so damn broken and it reminded me of living with Lisa when she was strung out. You barely moved off that couch. Then when I finally got you to go outside and start doing your art again, I vowed that I would never let you be hurt again because I don't know if you'll survive it," he paused to look at me. "But now, I don't know how to stop it. He broke you once and now you've given him a chance to do it again,"
"Jamie," she said before pulling him in a hug. "I know that I wasn't...present when we first got here. I was lost and had regrets. I never explained what happened between Billy and me to you, so I understand why you may blame him, but it's not entirely his fault,"
"Then what was it?"
"I was regretting leaving everyone we loved back in New York and leaving Billy without telling him how I truly felt about him. I was uninspired. I was lonely. I felt like I didn't have anyone to say any of this to,"
"You had me! I'm your brother. Why wouldn't you talk to me?"
"You were 17 years old, Jamie. You deserved the chance to be in a child's place for once in your life. I'm okay now. You don't have to worry about me,"
"I promised Leo I'd take care of you,"
     "And I promised to always take care of you and I meant it. Jamie, Billy loves me. Yes, he hurt me once, but he's more than made up for it. He deserves a chance. I would like it if you gave him one,"
     "I wanna be a part of you guy's life, not take her away from you. I know that you don't know me yet, but I'm willing to prove myself," I told him. He met my eye before slowly nodding.
     "Okay," he said before looking over at his brother who smiled at him. Cleo smiled as she walked to the nursery to get Miles.
      "Breakfast tomorrow morning?" Leo suggested. Ella nodded before leaning on me.
     "Did you really make plans tonight?" Ella asked Jamison.
     "I did. I'm going to hang with a friend tonight, but I'll meet with you guys in the morning," he said before hugging her. Cleo walked out of the nursery with a sleeping Miles in her arms.
     "I found him asleep in front of the crib with a book. Guess he was reading to Theo," she smiled at her son. Jamison smirked before lifting him out of her arms.
     "He's just practicing being a good big brother," he said. "Come on, your hotel's near my friend's place," he said before they each waved goodbye.
Ella turned to face me as she wrapped her arms around my neck.
"What sh—"
"Marry me." I blurted out.
"Billy, we're already married," she said as she pulled away with a smirk.
"Marry me for real this time. No contract. Not with my Father standing over our shoulders. You deserve a real wedding. A real ring," I said as I gazed at the massive ring on her finger.
     Its bulkiness and glimmer were designed to catch the eye of the media. They would've expected nothing less. Yet, to my dismay, I hadn't even had the chance to choose it for her. My father did and he chose what he knew would make the media satisfied, but I hate that damn ring. The gaudy ring paled in comparison to her radiance. It felt utterly inadequate to symbolize our love. Just a meaningless piece of platinum.
     "I hate this ring," I admitted as I pulled it off her finger. She gasped as I threw it in the trash can nearby.
     "Billy, that's a 12-carat diamond ring. You can't just throw it in the trash,"
     "It's not worthy enough to be on your finger. I'll replace it with one that is," I said before bringing her fingers to my lips.
     "Where is all of this coming from?"
     "I've been in love with you since I was 19 years old. I knew from the moment we met that you would change my life and I wasn't wrong. Everything I am and everything I'm not is all because of you. God, you made me a father, Ella. You gave me Theo and I'm so grateful. I'm still learning how to be a better man, but Ella, I can confidently say that there's nowhere else I'd rather be,"
     "I love you, Billy," she said as I pulled her closer to me.
     "I love you too. Does this mean your answer is yes?"
     "Yes! Yes, I'll marry you a million more times if I can," she said as she jumped in my arms and wrapped her legs around me. I leaned in to kiss her but paused at the sound of Theo crying.
     "So close,"
     "Get used to it," she said as she pecked my cheek and climbed down.
     "We're coming, Theo!"