Weighted Secrets

Chapter 1

4282 Words

I couldn't hear anything.

My heart pounding in my ears as rain shattered the silence around us as my family stood in front of Fred's grave.

George kneeling in the ground with his umbrella tossed to side.

Ginny barely holding back her tears and her hand resting on George's shoulder.

Mum standing beside me with her head against my shoulder, soaking the dark maroon fabric of the suit I'd worn.

Dad holding her opposite hand as well keeping her shielded from the rain with his umbrella and running his other hand - shaking - through his damp hair.

Charlie and Bill off to the side silently praying.

Percy at the Ministry dealing with all the business around the death eaters not bothering to take time off to go to his brother's funeral.

Then there's me. Comforting mum while holding back tears and barely able to stay standing. I had always been the anchor for my family.

When Ginny had come out as bi two years ago and my parents had originally disagreed I'd been the one to comfort Gin and confront our parents about it.

When Fred and George had come to the family with their idea of opening a joke shop I'd been the first one to say that it was a great idea.

When Charlie had gone off to work with dragons I'd been the one to help Ginny with her nightmares when our parents were busy.

When mum had had issues with money I was the one who took up extra jobs to help pay the bills.

And now with Fred's death, I had to be the one to comfort the family. I had to be everyone's rock. Everyone was counting on me and I couldn't let them down.

But I was still the last one to leave the tombstone.

One by one, the people in the crowd left, soon leaving me alone in the rain. As soon as George disapperated home I pulled my wand out.

"Muffliato." I muttered under my breath.

I took one last look around to make sure I was alone. As soon as I was sure I was, I fell to my knees, releasing my hold on my umbrella and was pelted with water droplets. I cried out as my tears were washed away by the rain.

"It should've been me!"

I turned my face to the clouds.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE ME?!" I yelled at the sky in hopes that I would answered.

I was supposed to die the night we were all disguised as Harry. I was supposed to go into the eye of the storm but Fred had convinced me otherwise. And I wish with every cell in my body that he hadn't. If he hadn't I would be the one dead and he'd be alive. George wouldn't be shutting everyone out, mum wouldn't be a nervous wreck and breaking in tears whenever she saw George, Ginny wouldn't be terrified to leave the house, and dad wouldn't be throwing himself into his work harder than ever.

My insides felt as cold as I did on the outside.

With the water seeping into my clothes and sneaking into my shoes through the little holes in the sole.

With the bleakness of the day sinking into my mind.

With the reality of the war sinking into my heart.

And with the death of Fred sinking deep into my sense of self.

I'd always assumed I'd been depressed but this was a different feeling. A feeling of not being able to control what happens in my life. Even with the difficulties of dealing with Voldemort I was still able to control my choices but now, I feel it's impossible.