God's way

Part 19

As soon as we stepped outside the school, the air felt suffocating, thick with the tension between us. The weight of everything I was hiding pressed down on me, and I could feel Nadiira's gaze burning through me, her impatience growing with every silent step we took. I wasn't ready to say anything, not yet. But I could tell she was about to explode, and I wasn't sure if I was ready for that either.

"What the fuck is going on with you? You've been acting so weird, so distant, and I can't even talk to you anymore. You keep shutting me out, and I don't know why!" She stepped right in front of me, blocking my path, 

I could feel the anger building up inside me, but I was scared. Scared to say the words, scared of how she might react, but more scared of the truth I was carrying. My chest tightened, and before I could stop it, my voice broke through in a harsh, desperate shout.

"You think it's that easy, Nadiira? You think I can just talk about it? You don't get it, okay?! I can't get it out!" My hands balled into fists at my sides. "You have no idea what I've been dealing with!"

Nadiira's face turned red, her own frustration boiling over. She took a step closer, her voice low but furious. "Then tell me, Adma! I'm trying to help you! I'm your best friend! But you're acting like I'm some stranger. Tell me what's going on or I swear to God I'm going to lose it!"

"Sayjan—he tried to strangle me yesterday! He put a fucking scarf around my neck and wouldn't let go, and now—now he's threatening to kill himself if I don't—if I don't fix him! I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do! I'm scared! I can't fucking breathe! I can't think straight, and I can't do this anymore!"

My voice cracked as the anger turned into something darker, something uncontrollable. It felt like I was suffocating from the weight of it all. 

"He's fucking insane! He's using me like a pawn, and I can't— I can't fix this!" I was practically screaming in her face now, my body shaking with the force of it all. "I can't fix him, and I can't fix this!"

For a moment, Nadiira stood there, completely still, her face pale, her eyes wide with shock. I could see her struggling to process what I had just said. Then, the tears started to form in her eyes, her face crumpling as she stepped back, her shoulders trembling.

I was still breathing hard, my chest heaving with anger and frustration, but as I saw her start to break down in front of me, something in me snapped. I wasn't ready to see her cry, not because of me. I didn't want to be the cause of her pain.

I stepped forward, but before I could say anything, Nadiira wiped her eyes roughly and pushed me hard in the chest. 

"Why didn't you tell me sooner, huh?" she shouted, her voice cracking with anger. "Why did you keep this all to yourself? Why didn't you trust me, Adma? I'm your fucking best friend, and you just let this happen? You let him hurt you like this?"

Her words hit me like a slap, and I felt my own anger flare up again. 

"I didn't know how to say it!" I shot back, my fists clenching. "I didn't know how to explain it to you without feeling like I was falling apart! What the hell was I supposed to do, huh? Just go to you and say, 'Hey, Sayjan tried to choke me, but it's fine, it's whatever'? Is that what you wanted?"

Nadiira's face twisted with rage, and she shoved me again, harder this time. 

"Goddamn it, Adma! You should've told me!" she yelled, her hands balling into fists. "I could've helped you! But now you're acting like you're the only one dealing with this! He doesn't deserve you. He doesn't deserve anything from you!"

Her anger hit me like a force, but it felt right. She wasn't mad at me—she was mad at Sayjan, at what he'd done to me. And, for a moment, I felt like someone was finally seeing me, truly seeing me.