"Hey, it's been awhile." (Unsent letters)

"Hey, its been awhile, J."

"Hey, it's been awhile, J."

I miss you so much. Anytime I think of you my heart aches, cracking into a million pieces, I wish I could sweep it. To hide it would be private, oh so private no one would buy it. God, J, please talk to me. I feel like I'm trapped in a closet, as if someone has token away the key. Please talk to me, I promise to be nice, please oh please, promise not to bite. J please, I need you to be whole, without you I have nowhere to go. Please please don't ignore me anymore, I feel as if I'm just a door. Though if I were a door you'd hold me tight, that'd be a delight. I promise one day I'll stop loving you, that day won't be soon, not even tomorrow.  I wish you had said it to my face, not over some stupid text. No matter how hard I try all I seem to do is cry. Crying in bed, screaming, "it's all in my head!!" I felt less pain when O left, I should've never chose her over you. You're what I want. You're what I've always wanted. I were a flower you'd be my sun, if I were a fish you'd be my water, you ARE my air. I wish I could show this to you, to show you what you really mean to me. Without you, can I even see? Without you I really can't be, I don't feel real. I really wish I were with you still.  If you would see this would you be mad? In my eyes that's really not bad. You'd be talking to me, I would be ecstatic. The dreams are getting brighter, I really miss you. Anytime I see you my heart grows big, I wish you were there. If you really were would you even look my way? I feel as if I should stay. Staying out with my loud, loud shout. Screaming and crying, and never stop lying. A lie is protection, an amour from the truth. The more I think of her the more the dagger in my chest gets twisted in deeper. If you see this I hope you know I love you.

Yours always,

Darcey