Mental (Sturniolo's best friend)

8

[I only put TW when I haven't used the topics in other chapters]

TW: su1cide mentions, su1cical thoughts

Stay safe, enjoy

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I wake up feeling emotionless, but I have to get ready for school. I put on a pair of my favorite baggy jeans, they hide my legs. I then put on my favorite oversized jacked with a white shirt underneath, It hides everything else. I would like to say that what Carlos said didn't get to me, but I would be lying. I now depended every decision I made in life based off of what Carlos, Mia, and Jayden say to me. Even when Matt said that I was annoying, now I barely speak. I want to be liked, not hated and bullied. I guess not everyone can get what they want.

I go downstairs and pack a lunch. All I wanted was fruit snacks. "Aren't you going to pack more, Kiara?" Marylou asked. "No, actually my friends at school said they would bring me some food so I don't want much today." I was very good at lies. I had been lying my entire life. Sometimes I told parts truth and parts lies, but on rarely would I tell someone the full truth. 

I get in the far back of the van. I don't like sitting up by Nick anymore. I want to, but I don't want to be annoying anymore, so I resort to sitting in the back by nobody. Nobody to annoy. "Kia, why don't you come and sit up with me?" "I just want more space, sorry." Again, another lie. It beings to be frequent that I lie. It starts in the start of the day when I only lie once or twice, and then the rest of the day I lie. There is no in between. If I told the truth, I would be send to a psych ward. Maybe not, I like to think that I am overreacting and that my life isn't that bad, but I am being bullied and I can't get away because, well, my dad ruined my mobility.

The car ride consisted of them just talking like they do in their car videos, all normal, except me. I am back here quiet as can be. I have not said a word since I spoke to Nick. I kind of feel bad that I have been distant, but  if they had bullies, dealt with an abused father, and nobody liking them then I am sure they would understand.

We all get out of the car and they walk ahead of me. Matt, of course, stopped walking with me. He tried once, but I told him to give me space. I knew that it probably hurt his feelings, but he hurt me first. I am using my crutches slow as ever when Mia and Jayden walk next to me. "Have you heard that not even her own family likes her?" Mia asked. "Well If I was family or even living with her, then I wouldn't either." Jayden spits out so I can hear. I put on my headphones, but I don't play music. As much as I hate them criticizing me, I need to know what they say so I know what I need to change. Sometimes I like knowing my flaws, because then I know what to hide or stop from happening. Like when Matt and Carlos said I was annoying, now I don't speak as much or at all.

I don't pay attention the entire school day, I already know all this. I was gifted in academics naturally, I just didn't seem to care. It made my life easier since I never had to pay attention to class. I had all A's. Even I don't know how I keep up with my grades since half the time I don't start an assignment until last minute. It's stressful, but it is better than having to worry about if I forgot to finish it, If I wait until the turn in day, then I remember that I should turn that it. It makes sense to me at least. 

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Somehow, we made it to lunch. I don't eat with the boys anymore. I sit in the restroom and sit in sorrow. It is more comforting that sitting with people who don't like me. I have even made a friend from sitting in the bathroom. Her name is Diana. She is as messed up in the head as I am. Mia and Jayden hate us both, but it is something we share and talk about during our bathroom breaks. I have her number and text her when I feel overwhelmed with everything, which is 24/7. We are basically each other's therapist, and I like it that way. Worrying about other people distracts me from my own problems. I enjoy listening to other's issues. That may sound like a weird think to say, but it's true.