16 Hours

2

I opened my laptop and dove back into my research. With my husband out of the room, I finally allowed my tears to fall. These struggles have weighed heavily on me, and I can only imagine the impact they have on my family. My eye condition, binocular vision dysfunction, has made it difficult for me to go out, particularly when it comes to driving. It's frustrating, especially since I had just started to regain that freedom despite my agoraphobia.

I dedicated the next few hours to diving deep into my symptoms once more. While I was researching, I kept a game open in another tab, switching between the two. Gaming really helps me stay focused. It keeps my mind engaged, and in the midst of it all, I tackled some laundry since I had a load waiting for me today. I figured it was a good time to get that started. I've already vacuumed the carpet, mopped the floors, and even prepped a bag for my husband's dialysis this evening, so I'm feeling quite accomplished. Now, it's time to return to my research and gaming.

My husband frequently checks in on me, aware that I'm going through another episode. I sense his frustration with my struggle to cope. He possesses a bravery that I seem to lack. The last time I felt truly brave was when I finally decided to have my gallbladder taken out. For years, I hesitated, haunted by stories of anesthesia leading to nausea, despite the anti-nausea medications. I dreaded the thought of vomiting. So, I endured four long years of gallbladder problems, drastically changing my diet to avoid fatty foods and subsisting mainly on turkey, rice, beans, and crackers. I even tried some old remedies, like mixing raw apple cider vinegar with organic apple juice, hoping it would dissolve the stones. Spoiler alert: it didn't work at all. In September 2022, I experienced a two-week gallbladder flare-up that made even a saltine cracker feel like a trigger for an attack. I was relying heavily on medication to manage the spasms and subsisting mostly on applesauce. After two hospital visits and losing ten pounds, I decided it was time to see my surgeon. When he suggested scheduling the removal for the following week, I surprised him by asking if he could do it that very day. Just four hours after that appointment, I was back home, now without my gallbladder.

I finally felt the pangs of hunger and checked the clock, realizing it was nearly noon. I figured it was time to whip up some lunch. I opted for a salad paired with pasta and a few chicken bites. The chicken bites would take about fifteen minutes to cook. In the meantime, I'll dive back into my favorite pastime: worrying.

I began to feel more like my usual self after having a meal. Everything was going smoothly, and I was happily moving in and out of the house, making the most of my day. By around three in the afternoon, I had finished the laundry and was simply enjoying some gaming time on the computer. That's when it occurred.