Tethered Light

Chapter 13: Dismissed Feelings

The days after my breakdown at the paper were a blur of exhaustion and half-hearted attempts to keep up with everything. I was failing my courses, missing deadlines, and barely holding myself together.

Jake became my lifeline. He didn't push or ask too many questions. He just showed up—bringing me coffee, sitting with me in silence, or gently reminding me to breathe when I felt the edges of panic closing in again.

"Take it one step at a time," he'd say, his voice calm and steady. "You don't have to figure it all out at once."

I nodded, even though it felt like I was drowning.

Olivia's absences grew more frequent. She'd show up at my dorm out of the blue, her energy erratic. Some nights, she'd be affectionate, pulling me into her arms, whispering that she needed me. Other nights, she was distant, her kisses sharp and hurried, leaving me hollow when she left without a warning.

Despite grand gestures mixed with the absent periods, Olivia's behavior with Madison from the theater group became harder to ignore. I saw them together often—whispering in corners, laughing during rehearsals. Madison's hostility toward me only grew.

"She doesn't like me," I told Olivia one night, my voice barely above a whisper. "She's always making comments, trying to push me out."

Olivia sighed, rolling her eyes. "You're overthinking again. She's harmless."

"Harmless?" I echoed, my frustration bubbling to the surface. "She's going out of her way to make me feel like I don't belong."

"Why do you care so much about what she thinks?" Olivia shot back, her tone sharp. "She's not important. You're the one I'm with."

Her words should have reassured me, but they didn't. Instead, they left me feeling even more isolated, my concerns brushed aside as if they didn't matter.

***

With a few mornings free from classes, I found myself at the college paper office, surrounded by the mountain of work I'd been neglecting. I stared blankly at the screen, struggling to focus as the weight of everything loomed over me. Jake was always there, working quietly beside me. He didn't say much, just offered his steady presence, giving me the space I needed without question.

But every now and then, the weight of everything—my failing grades, Olivia's erratic behavior, the growing distance between us—crashed down on me like a relentless tidal wave. My hands began to shake, my vision smeared into a haze, and that all-too-familiar vise tightened around my chest, stealing the air from my lungs. The crushing sensation wasn't new; it had become a constant undercurrent, ebbing and flowing without warning. I had learned to brace for it, to let the wave wash over me, knowing it would leave me shattered but somehow still standing in its wake.

Jake would notice immediately.

"Heather," he would way gently, turning toward me. "Hey, look at me. Breathe."

I tried, but the panic was already taking hold. Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes as my breathing quickened, shallow and uneven.

Jake moved closer, his presence grounding. "It's okay," he said softly. "You're okay. Just focus on my voice."

His calm steadiness was enough to pull me back from the edge, but when the panic subsided, all that was left was exhaustion.

"I don't know if i can handle it all anymore," I whispered, my voice cracking.

Jake didn't hesitate. "You don't have to. Let me help you."

***

After that day, Jake took on a more protective role, subtly intervening whenever Olivia tried to pull me back into her chaos. He'd walk with me to class, casually sit with me during breaks, and always be there when I needed someone to remind me that I wasn't alone.

But Olivia noticed.

Her texts became more frequent, and her visits more urgent. She'd show up, her eyes wild with a mix of desperation and determination.

"You're slipping away from me," she said one night at my dorm, her voice thick with emotion. "I can't lose you, Heather. You're the only thing keeping me sane."

Her words hit like a dagger, and for a moment, I felt the familiar pull, the need to be the person she relied on. But something had shifted.

Jake's quiet support had shown me a glimpse of what life could be like without the constant weight of Olivia's love. And for the first time, I wasn't sure if I wanted to stay.